We Bring the Sacrifice of Praise

What am I willing to sacrifice? Would I give it all up and be able to trust God? Could I really do what Abraham did with his son and bring him to the altar if God asked? I can barely follow the simple things would I be able to follow the hard and have faith that God knows what He is doing?

I need to work on believing that all things are according to God's plan even when every human part of me doubts. I need to sacrifice the things that are important - the time, busy is a choice, the money, God has always provided, the house, it is not mine but God's, my children, they are not just here for me to protect, but to be witnesses for God and to serve Him also, my husband, his time and his decisions are directed from God.

Comfort and those things that are comfortable are not the only choices I should make but whatever God leads me to do! This is what I will work on, probably for the rest of my days, but starting today is good.

Go Tell It on the Mountain

Go tell it on the mountain, Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain, Our Jesus Christ is born.
When I was a seeker I sought both night and day,
I asked the Lord to help me, And he showed me the way.
Go tell it on the mountain, Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain, Our Jesus Christ is born.
He made me a watchman Upon a city wall,
And if I am a Christian, I am the least of all.
Go tell it on the mountain, Over the hills and everywhere,
Go tell it on the mountain, Our Jesus Christ is born.

Baby It's Cold Outside!

Here are some fall pics!

This time of year is for remembering the blessings of all you have including God's Son, Jesus, humbling Himself to become a baby in this earth.

Silent Night Holy Night

One mother's dream to have a night that is silent - the whole night of sleep. Another mother's terror as they worry should I check on them, are they really OK. Another woman's hope to have a child to interrupt their sleep, to worry about, to love. It is amazing the stories there are about how woman have been blessed with their families and how I have never heard one that wishes the kids have not been there at all. So this moment I will pray for those kids and those mothers who wish they had different families. I know that there are kids who endure abuse and neglect and I wish I could financially take them in my home and love them, but I will pray. Pray that their night is silent and they will know a Holy God who loves them so much. I will thank God for that Baby and those parents who choose to be obedient and follow God in love on that Silent Night so everyone may know Peace!

You'll Go to Sleep Counting your Blessings

I realize what joy I have when I take stock in all the good and God-given things in my life. I am truly blessed and usually truly grateful. I am working on that daily. Joy is a gift and a decision and I want to choose Joy!

J - Jesus
O - Others
Y - Yourself

My daughter likes this and so do I.

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

Had a ton of fun at the Merit Electric Company party last night. It was held this year at Treasure Island Resort and Casino and the hotel is awesome. Steve's company offers a hotel room for the night, feeds us dinner and then entertains us into the wee hours of the morning. This year we learned to play blackjack with fake money and then the top 6 of the night won wonderful prizes. I was third and Steve was sixth and we came home with great prizes. After that they booked lanes for us to bowl and it was so fun! We did not stay until 2:30 am like most but we bowled a game and enjoyed sleeping in and hung around Red Wing until after lunch and picked up the kids.

It is somewhat strange to be so sheltered as I am. I work at a church, socialize with most people that attend church and don't see the 'real' world much. This company is a glimpse for me and the cool thing is as we are getting older we all seem to mature. (I am trying to at least!:P) It was loud and different language and different conversations but way fun!

Steve has been there for 10 years now and we have grown to love the family owned business he works for as part of ours. They gave him a gift last night to Grand Superior Lodge for being there for 10 years and no he did not make a speech but was grateful, not only for the gift but for the job and for the party and for the family that is keeping him with a job.

I took no pictures so no one will get to see my dress that was so fun to wear, but you can come and look at it hanging up if you like!

Love and Marriage

Our Thanksgiving was full of fun and a relaxing date-filled weekend. My kids each got a 'date with daddy' this weekend and had fun. Our Thursday was spent at my sister in laws and there was lots of fun, food and relaxation. I always laugh as everyone has a story about what wacky thing your family member did or what really got on your nerves, but I must admit that I still love Steve's family and how much they love my kids. I am very thankful.

We got to spend some time with friends that have become family and that was great to enjoy an evening with people my kids consider family and Ashley really started treating them like family by starting to be a bit sarcastic but now they know they can hand it right back to her!

Sunday we read as a family for Advent and it was a moment I won't forget, particularly because it may never happen again. I love hearing my kids tell about Christ coming to earth!

Give Thanks with a Greatful Heart

What I am thankful for:

1. God's Love!
2. My loving, loyal, gifted, hard-working, God-serving, handsome, helpful, understanding, funny husband.
3. Ashley's love for and obedience in the Lord. Mikey's discernment and truth telling of Jesus' love. Gracie's joy and growth in the Lord.
4. My Johnson family and Chermak family!
5. My friends who have loved me even when I was unlovable!
6. My Church!
7. My Job!

What a great year and what a wonderful life!

Strumming my pain with his fingers... (Warning, whining ahead)

I know this is not a title but I wanted something with pain that would stay in your head for awhile. Hope this did the job.

I am in so much pain! I went to the ER on Sunday and my ovarian cyst is growing and PAINFUL! Pain meds are not even cutting it and it is so frustrating! I do not want another surgery. I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to take it out on my family. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I don't know what else to do. There I am done whining!!

I am very excited for the parade, the turkey and all! I may be drugged up for it but am definitely looking forward to it and maybe the cyst will burst by then and I will be in no more pain.

Yes, he was singing my life with his words. Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly...

Should I stay or should I go now?

We are talking about decision making in our Sunday School class this month and how not making a decision is making a decision. I hate to decide things! I would prefer to never make a decision so no blame would go on me and then I would not have to use any brain cells too. I could just be lazy and not want to grow up, but just like everything God has allowed me to work on decision making in my life. Here are the decision that are important to me daily - I will not include eating but those choices often make for a better day if I am prepared.

1. Choose to love how God loves. This is a daily decision.
2. Watch my mouth.
3. Choose to be content and thankful. I miss this one daily and then #2 starts being missed.
4. Know that I am not perfect and allow not only grace for others but myself. There are days that I am so hard on myself and that is a choice.
5. Choose to take my job seriously. I am not talking about my job at church, I usually give 100% to that job, but my job as a wife and a mom and a housekeeper. I forget this one a lot. I grumble because everyone else needs so much from me and realize that this is something I prayed for and got and just because the house is not self cleaning, the kids are not robots and do as I command, and my husband has a job and can not just serve me every minute does not mean God did not answer this request and give me what I wanted and needed in life.
6. Pray in the moments I am called. There are moments, such as now, when someone or a situation will come to my mind and I know I should pray and I am busy typing or talking or eating. I need to stop and pray.

If these choices are being made the rest like what we are going to have for dinner, what to wear, what to watch on TV, where to spend my time, it all falls into place.

All I Want for Christmas

I am sure that people who make it to the top have worked hard and some of them have wonderful voices, but not all of them have to make a Christmas album. I was driving to work this morning and heard Clay Aiken sing 'O Holy Night' and thought I could have lived my whole life without hearing him sing this and love when Nat King Cole sang this. I know many people like Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, and N Sync but singing Christmas songs? Come on!

Ch- Ch- Changes

The good thing I learned last week is that I am not going through the 'change'. Good news but also means my hormones are unstable and unpredictable and affect my moods drastically. So far I am normal lately, whatever that means.

The next change is my baby girl turned 8 on Friday. Really, 8 years old, just yesterday I was having this child who could not wait to come into the world so she came as a preemie and now she is 8 and healthy, happy, and growing so fast. Big milestones for her are she knows Jesus, she reads extremely well and she is JUST like her father! I love that!

The final change is my parents leaving for Florida and seeing them for the last time until February (I have to say that out loud to spell it). What a joy to have them here for Christmas on Saturday with my brother and his wife and his 4 kids and my grandma! We celebrated birthdays (4 in one week), Thanksgiving (the turkeys and gravy were fabulous), and Christmas. We laughed as the kids played and entertained us, talked about old times, and caught up on what was going on now. I got to have lunch with my mom and dad on Monday alone and will miss my parents, my friends, but know that they have good friends in Florida and what they like the most NO SNOW. God is good and lets us talk and 'see' each other on the Internet and we get to travel down there and be with them for a week.

Change, I am getting used to it!

Shot Through the Heart

I had a feeling of this yesterday. One of my extended family members said something to me that made me catch my breath. I just did not expect to be treated or not trusted the way I was and now I need to be 'confrontational' and actually talk about it, because I need to be an adult, something I often forget that I am.

I think what shocked me the most is that this person does not really know me. I know I can be mouthy and joke around but I really love God and therefore really love people and want them to love the Lord and love themselves. I know that I can be sarcastic but I also know not all people can handle that and really try to tune into that. I have been praying for a situation that the Lord has answered in a 'yes' way and now this person wants me to be silent and just let God move. Like I was going to hire a banner that says ' Yeah this happened' and hurt or even more discourage the happiness that is going on. I feel like I need to say to this person 'I am sorry you don't know me and you really hurt me by your words' and then I need to LET IT GO. The Holidays are coming and I need to be OK by then for everyone's sake.

Why can't I just be 14 again and let my mom and dad take care of me, feed me and help me deal? I hope with age comes wisdom because I need it. Thanks for letting me vent!

Be Still and Know

What a whirlwind and it is only Wednesday! This week is busy! I hate that word, I hate that choice I make to run from here to there. I did make the choice to have children, I did make the choice to let them grow up (yes, there were times I did not think it was such a good idea.). I know I need to be still and listen. Just watch the snowfall and enjoy the moment. I need to remind myself to breathe even though I had all weekend to it is OK to do it now.

I can not even finish a thought as my kids keep talking and yet this is where I want to be. Contentment is staying with me for awhile. I like it. I need to keep it with me and not want especially when I start Christmas shopping and want to give my kids everything. I need to teach them to be content.

Off to church and then conferences then back to church and somehow hit a store to buy a bday present. It will get done. It was good to be still for this moment. Thank you God for this moment.

She Works Hard (for her money)

OK, so I don't get a lot of money and I love my full time job as a mom. I did enjoy the Hearts at Home conference and learned a lot. Although I was socially awkward for part of it I made some new connections, renewed some old ones and saw that the distance in some is for this time only and God will use it all for His purpose and I should wait on Him.

What did I learn?

• I LOVE MY HUSBAND! Not a huge surprise but a fun one. We are celebrating Christmas this Saturday with the Johnson side and he had the tree up and all the food bought and we are ready to go. I love him because he loves me and he loves the kids. He is so good to me and puts up with me and missed me.
• I LOVE MY KIDS! It was great to sit with the few who had teens and say 'wow, that is normal!' To realize Ash is wonderful and loving and normal and actually unique with her love for God! I love Mikey's spirit and how he is not the typical rough and tumble kid but hugs me still! In fact when I came home he kept saying 'hi again' with a hug each time. Gracie is my baby and even though she may have less pictures I think I take more mental pictures with her as I know this is the last time one of my kids learns to write or read or whatever the milestone is.
• I LOVE MY FRIENDS! We are all unique, most of them have no idea what having a teen is like as they are in the preschool stage, so I better do something right as they might ask me questions later, they already did this weekend. The Lord has a purpose for friends and I need to trust the people He puts in my life. Even if menopause has set in for me I still need to go to them and allow them to see me crazy, not fun, but was a needed lesson for me this weekend, this year, this life.
• I LOVE GOD! He has made me to be a bit organizationally challenged, but loving and fun and ready to listen to Him.

Overall, a good weekend and hope to do it next year!

No Such Thing (as the real world)

Heading off to Hearts at Home this weekend with about 20 women and feel like I am going to a High School party and have designated myself as the wallflower. I am sure by a late hour I will get over this feeling but right now I feel very nervous. I wonder why I am becoming more insecure with people. It probably is because some people who have promised to love me and stand by me have forgotten their promise and therefore I trust no one fully then.

I do trust God, my hubby, my parents and few select friends and relatives, but know that people are human and are going to make mistakes and say things that are unkind. I know I do. I try to give the grace that I am often given due to the constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth I tend to have.

It should be a good weekend and I think I am not going to think about it again until it happens. I don't want nerves to turn into worry.

If God be For Us, Who Can be Against Us!

Ever have those moments where you are just at peace. Not because the world is right, or you are on vacation, but just because. You are content with what you have, with who you are, with what you have been given, and you feel full, Blessed.

I know that God is the only thing that makes me content and not anxious. I know on my own that I don't have the strength, the ability, the reasoning to be happy just as I am. He takes me just as I am and for the moment of peace I know He holds me. It is more than just a feeling, it is a fact, it is a reminder, it is amazing.

I know that this peace is for this night, for this time, for the results of the test I took yesterday, given to me because He loves me.

Nothing can separate me from this, not fighting kids, not a political race, not a diagnoses. It may leave for a moment but someday again this peace will come, for that I am sure.

Thriller

The picture is my kids and some friends kids at Homecoming for NLA this year. I never do pictures and just wanted to...

How many times have I heard this at the Haunted Mansion at the state fair! I love it and I love Halloween, because it leads to Thanksgiving and Christmas and candy being involved is good too! We are going to the Harvest Festival at church and Mikey is going to give his testimony. It should be fun! I am going as Ugly Betty and Steve is going to be Army man or something, Gracie is Tweety Bird, Mikey is the black Spiderman and Ashley is toying with being a spy. I may have pictures to post but probably not.

If We are the Body

I often think that I am so stagnant. I sit around and want to change the world and yet change nothing. I know many things limit me, not enough money, not enough time, not enough energy. I am working on this.

These Wicked Games You Play

I was tagged and can not copy anything but the rules are to pass it on - which I won't but I will answer the questions.

I must say 7 random things about myself.

1. I am short and will soon be the shortest person in my family.
2. I would love to live in Tennessee.
3. I do consider myself a minority.
4. I am afraid of bridges.
5. I would love to have a solo singing voice and sing in front of the church.
6. I actually do enjoy solitude.
7. I like to learn something new everyday.

Always something There to Remind Me

I am sure that living 4 houses away from where I grew up and having my daughter in the same high school I went to and having most of the same friends I have since high school makes me remember high school. What I don't remember is fighting and defying my parents as a teen. Now I did sneak phone calls after hours, but not on a regular basis. Help me remember why we broke the rules - was it to see what we could get away with or was it because we are sinful by nature? I need to know some stories so I don't think my teen is so abnormal. She just seems to be pushing it lately. Any thoughts?

With a Little Help from my Friends

I am finally feeling like I should. I feel like I can have a good time and be myself and not be so scared to open up to people. I am so glad that I am getting back to 'normal' - at least my normal. Looking forward to seeing if Mikey will get his tooth repaired today. He broke half of his tooth off last night and wonder how they will fix it as it is still growing. Never a dull moment!

Don't Be Stupid (You know I love you)

Please hear me when I say that we need to stand for Truth. We need to show Christ's love and we need to be responsible with what we do with the Word of God. If we are not in prayer about how we should vote or how we should present Christ to the world then we are being luke warm and the Bible warns us about that. I need to be on my knees and follow ONLY God's direction!

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

I loved Dancing with the Stars last night with all the campaign ads that they made fun of! It was great and a break from the ads themselves. What a fun show to watch! Sad how that can make my week!

Looking forward to a few days off with the kids and Ashley is starting to feel better so should be a good four days!

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out,I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name
Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord,
Blessed be your name

What a privledge to say these lines! I need to remember in the bad and the GOOD!

Jagged Little Pill

So I am still getting over what the dr. said on Tuesday was 'walking pneumonia' and put me on some antibiotics. I got samples which is great but had not facts about the drug. I took it Tuesday and had terrible nightmares and lost a lot of sleep. Took it yesterday and last night I did not sleep at all and major stomach issues. I get on the website this morning for side effects and all these symptoms are side effects to this pill!!! I am now going to drive my children to school at their appropriate times and take a sleeping pill to sleep the day away!!

We're not Gonna Take IT

I along with many of you are so tired of the ads for this election coming up that we could scream. What is the solution? I don't know but I think I am going to fire up my Sing Star 80's and tell them 'we're not going to take it anymore!'.

All I want to is Dream!

I have been so tired lately. I am looking forward to the morning that I decide I slept enough. Maybe when the kids are gone! I feel like I have not been present even when I have been to places as I am always fighting fatigue.

I did have an upper respitory infection and have finished antibiotics for that and did mow the lawn last night which is a good sign I might be getting some energy back. Just ready to feel 'normal' or as normal as I once was.

Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore!

We drove to the cabin and started seeing signs of fall. Bright red trees, bright orange and the green still everywhere. I am so loving it!!

Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

I miss summer already and am excited to go to the cabin this weekend and enjoy some quality time, 3 - wheeling, and my Mom's cooking!

Faithful

Listening to way too much Chicago lately in our new vehicle we got last month. I do love this song. It is so true in my life and I am sure in so many others. I often forget as I wallow in my self-pity (why am I sick, why is this happening to us now, boo hoo...) that I have it SO GREAT compared to where I once was.

There are no cryptic meanings today only that I have been a whiner lately and need to tell myself that even though it is OK to have a bad moment it is definitely time to MOVE on.

Embrace Monday and welcome the new week - off to put on a roast - good to have a plan for the day - I will keep trying to stay positive, hopefully longer than it takes to get to work this morning.

Let It Rain Down

This weekend has been rainy and wonderful. I have a head cold and have been able to take advantage of laying around to get well before the week sets in. I do enjoy weekends where there is nothing planned and we can clean (did not get done this weekend) or just veg.

You Spin Me Right Round!

This is how my head is feeling! I want to nap but need to work. I need to work but can't concentrate. I need to concentrate and probably could if I got a nap. So it goes.

I am so excited for the leaves to change and hear the crunch of them under my feet! I can't wait to go an apple orchard - who will join me?

Saved by Love

Steve has these old Amy Grant Cd's in the car and this song brings back memories but has such new meaning as it talks about a mother. As a kid I never thought being a mom was that hard, except the cooking and cleaning my mom did. She was as I am now in charge of everyones schedules, where they were going, what we were eating, knowing how we were feeling.
What a job! I often wonder why God allows us to be responsible for another human without some sort of interview process or a chart that says we are able to take ourselves first and then we should have kids.

Frustrated

So, I double booked a few things and missed a few things and now am afraid to deal with the consequences. Great times!

Did have a great weekend at the youth retreat with my whole family. The Lord was present and working both the youth and the workers.

Hoping Monday passes quickly!

Those Summer Nights!

I am not ready to be the taxi that I have heard many women talk about for years, but my time has come and I have been so blessed. I only have to work when my kids are in school and I enjoy my job.

We had a bonfire last night which was fun and hazardous as it was windy but did enjoy the smores. We will do some visiting today and take in the day off before the big day tomorrow!

Papa Don't Preach

So, at orientation I walk into the JH/HS new student time and look around at all the other parents of High School students and they are all about 10 - 20 years older than me. Every time I see a parent who is my age they have a kid my 7 year olds age or younger. I feel so out of place at times. I do realize not everyone was getting pregnant as a teen, but thought that as she got older and I got older we would blend more. Not so much. I have been feeling strange with my friends who have young ones also. I am out of place and know that God has placed me where He wants me, just wish I didn't feel so out of place sometimes.

Forever Young

Walking into NLA today was just wild. Ash went to new student orientation and for a brief moment I was 11 again and starting NLA in 6th grade. I think I was as nervous as she was.

Wind of Change

Whenever Ash has a birthday I begin to feel OLD. I know that 34 is not too bad but I have been a parent for 14 years of that now and that makes feel like I should have been adult that long and I am sure I have not. Anywho, I like the rain that we so needed and can't wait to go to the fair on Saturday!!

Bring Back that Loving Feeling!

This is the start of my favorite time of the year. I love fair time all the way to Christmas. In fact, I love from Easter to Christmas. I love cool evenings, clear nights, warm pj's, long hugs, sweatshirts, slippers, and looking forward to weekends.

I can not believe that Ashley will be turning 14 this week. I can not believe that my baby is a 2nd grader and my son is a 4th grader and becoming a little man. I do believe that I am a 34 year old who can not sleep in past 8 am anymore.

What TIME is it?

It is FAIR TIME!!! I am so excited. I plan to go many times as last year my hubby was in the hospital and I only went for 4 hours. I think I am most excited to get free pencils for the kids school supply list and to volunteer at the Crossroads Chapel with Ashley.

I Thought You Fell of the Face of the Earth

Ever have a week that just stunk! That was last week and the week before vacation for me and it did not process until this weekend. I now feel normal and more God-centered which always helps. I feel like I have finally crawled out of a hole and even though I am still dirty, I am out!

It could just be that the fair starts this week, though.

To Kill a Mockingbird

This is one of my favorite books. I try to read it once a year. I realized it became my favorite in High School and I blame this book for making me think of how it feels to walk in someone else's shoes. I can't imagine how it would be to lose a child but I just feel this families loss and seem to cherish my children more.

I will often watch people (like at the State Fair that is coming soon) and wonder how I would handle if my kid hit me in public or my husband berated me. I feel the pain and hope that my kids don't always think of their mom with tears in her eyes.

Home

Lars went to be with the Lord tonight. He went Home - can't wait to see him again.

Praying

We have a child who we taught in Gracie's Sunday School class who is gravely ill. He is a 7 year old boy with Down's who went into septic shock from a strep infection. We are praying almost hourly and hoping the family has peace as they have 2 younger boys. I can't stop thinking of his smile and sweet spirit.

Let's Get It Started

We are starting the night time wind down to school starting. We put the kids to bed (or try to) 15 minutes earlier each week until school starts and they should be right on schedule. Now, it is hard to think about summer and all its fun to be over but what I am most excited for is THE STATE FAIR!!! I love it and can't wait.

You're Good and You're Brave

I got my baby back today and we are picking up the pieces of her broken spirit. You can see Christ in her and I know He will give her strength!!

How Great Thou Art

Today was a trying day and I am so glad that I am blessed with such great friends, family and what a wonderful God!! I often find myself desiring to be more and then let myself down but all of the above still love me and cheer me on to be better!

I wonder if you ever let things go, if you ever just say let's move on. I don't know. I am waiting to see. I am working on it. I have finally stopped shaking and know and trust that God will provide a way out.

Thanks for the prayers!

What the world needs now - is love, sweet love

I understand that what you give you out you generally give back and that people won't change unless they want. I wish that love given could be love returned but it just doesn't work that way. People either have never learned how to love or never been given love.

Lord,

Please be with those who don't know Your Love. Please let me show them a piece of what Your love looks like!

In Your Son's Name,
AMEN

Goodbye to You!

I am very sad as the van that has been in my family for the last 17 years is now gone. We traded it in today. Bye - Bye Chevy!

Time for Me to Fly

The Blue Angels were the main event and spectacular but had to end quickly as it started to rain!
They had many exhibits as the Army, Navy, Air Force and much more were there with booths to look at stuff and get free pencils, my kids thought it was GREAT!

We went to the Duluth Airshow last week and had fun. It is so nice to take a break from life and just enjoy my family.

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer

Prayer. What a powerful thing! It gives me such hope to know that when I don't want to share anything with anybody - Jesus is always there.

Praying for the New Orleans team.
Praying for my church to find a Pastor.
Praying for my family to have a great vacation.
Praying for so many things...

Party like it's 1999

Speaking of old, I remember when 1999 was a long way off and seemed like the end of the world. My oldest had to watch the kids on Monday while I worked and although I did not think that they would make it through without killing each other they did and we came home to a PARTY! They had streamers up, a band playing, food out and a detailed game schedule and movie. My kids are very creative and I love that about them! Here are some pictures of my babies!

We're a Couple of Misfits!

If you ever watched the Rudolph movies you must remember the Island of Misfits. I can relate to them so much. I often want to be included in things or with people and realize I will always be a misfit. We have a teenager and elementary kids but most people we hang out with are our age but have younger children and want to hang with people they feel they can relate to now. I have had young kids so I can relate but maybe they don't want the moody teenager over or they think I am WAY older them - I may be in some cases.

Today I feel like I need to work a little harder to really make the connections with people that I want or need to do. I know I slack on that.

Today I am misfit and always probably will be, but some days it gives me a sense of who God made me to be - different.

He Who Began a Good Work In you

I know that God is faithful. I know how humans are sinful. I know I need to trust. I am feeling peace and again enjoying the summer sleeping in and such. I don't want my kids to grow up to fast at the expense of another and I know God will work out time.

On a totally different note, I am so excited to go to the Ramsey County Fair. I am a bit of a carny and it has been a while so - yippee!

You Make Me Wanna be Brave

There are times that I can only rely on God for security and safety. I need to be brave for him, for my daughter who is being brave but should not have to deal with what she is dealing with. I know God has provided her strength way beyond her years! I need to let things happen as they may and not try to figure out what to do next - God is in CONTROL!

Amazing Love

The youth are back and ready to take the world for Christ! What a blessing to be in a country that kids can learn to love more and share what they learned about Christ without persecution from the government.

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July! I am still enjoying this fun weekend and realizing it is almost mid-summer and must just enjoy the days we have!!

Congrats to those whose families have gotten bigger and praying for those who are making decisions and dealing with loss!

Pray for me and I will Pray for you

My heart is with those going to learn so much in Salt Lake City this week! I am praying for friends who have suffered loss this past week, who are traveling to pick up their family, who are in transition and making BIG life decisions, for those who just need to be cheered up, for those who are expecting miracles, for Christ to be glorified through it all.
My prayers are with you all! God bless you through all that God leads you through!

I am Free

I had a wonderful vacation that ended in the birthplace of our many freedoms in America - Philadelphia. I got to spend time with and remember everything I love about my husband and we did NOT run out of things to talk about like I thought we would. (That was a strange fear).

Our stay in Atlantic City was a bit scary but the ocean was awesome. We LOVED the Poconos and how beautiful the mountains were and the race track was fun to see. We loved the history we saw also.

We learned many things -

• We need to go to bed at a reasonable hour.


• We still enjoy being alone but really enjoy our kids.


• We are older than we think we are.


• WE LOVE MINNESOTA!


• We now know how to navigate SEPTA in Philly.


• We can not sleep in like we used.


• We are old.


• We missed the kids more than they missed us!

It was great! And Steve got to drive a MUSTANG all week! (The picture is bad. Sorry!)

Fly Me To the Moon

At least this how I feel about our 'honeymoon' we are going this week. We never had a first one and it is going to be just the 2 of us for 8 days! I am excited and a bit scared that we might run out of things to talk about, but then we can just talk about the kids or call them.

My in-laws and my parents are splitting the week of watching my kids and my kids are so excited!!! I kind of wish sometimes that they would miss us but it will be good for them to spend time with the kids!

We are heading out east and I will tell you all about it when we get back! Yeah!

Your Love is Amazing

I am humbled by the love that God shows people and how He uses it through people. I need to remember to realize that God can and will use me! He is so amazing!

Proud Mommy Moment

Tonight was 8th grade graduation. It was also report card night and my kids did awesome! Ashley even got a Presidential Award of Academic Excellence! She did not even know she was going to get one! I am so thrilled for all of them!

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby!

My son turned 9 yesterday and he had fun ordering us around for the day. I always thought that boys were like their daddies and girls were like their mommies, but my last two got switched. Mikey is active like Steve but his personality mimics mine (Ash is a lot like me too). Gracie will go in her room and play alone and I will think somethings wrong and Steve will just laugh and say that is how he was as a child. It is fun and sometimes hard to see them grow up. I really like this age and wish I could freeze him here for awhile.

Yesterday

I had a great day yesterday. I woke up to breakfast from my kids, my mom and dad calling, and a work free day! Then a nice dip in the tub, a good book and off to coffee with a friend (free Caribou). Then dinner made by my hubby and kids and presents. I got a portable fire pit, 3 movies and a hanging plant. I also got a beautiful candle from my friend and some great cards.

I feel older and now I am an auntie again to twin boys! My brother now has 4 kids! I can't wait to see them!

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I want To

Ever have a moment when you don't know why you are upset but you just are? I hate NOT being in control! I am a control freak! Not to be confused with a neat freak, super freak, yet I am a Jesus freak. Just needed to get this out!

I want to be in charge of the emotions I have and to make sense. Doesn't sound difficult but sometimes it is almost impossible!

Had our home team tonight and some wonderful friend brought a cake and there were cards and promises of nights out and I had fun even though a few hours before I was in tears over a garbage can lid.

Maybe when I am 34 I will be more normal, something I don't think I have ever wished for, have you?

If I Could Turn Back Time

I wish I could stay up longer, be less inhibited, have more energy, and not care about the effects of sugar and such on my body. Tonight I am off to a girls overnight for youth and I am tired thinking about it. At 16, I would have never thought about being tired.

I turn 34 next week and realize that I don't feel any older than when I had my first kid because once you have children you are always the parent and just feel grown up. At least I do! Tonight I hope I at least show the kids that age can still equal fun!

Friends are Friends Forever

I had a great weekend with 3 women that I have been going on weekends with for 4 years now. Two I met about 5 years ago and one I have been friends with for the last 22 years. We hit the Woodbury garage sales without kids, slept without caring for kids, ate without kids, and got pedicures. Then we went home to our kids and I enjoyed a wonderful Mother's Day with breakfast, pajamagram and a play all presented by my very thoughtful kids (with some help from Dad).

I have realized on this trip that we are not getting any younger as we fell asleep rather promptly somewhere around midnight.

Walk the Line

Steve gave me this song in my card for V-day and I love this song. My friends daughter loves Johnny Cash and I just think it is so cute.

I am thinking of this song because the movie is on right now, but also this is how I am feeling. I need to walk the line in life a lot. I need to constantly keep track of how I am acting and so forth.

I have a wonderful cold so I am out of sorts today and it has been a yucky day for me, but because of Christ I need to walk the line.

I'm Sorry

I think of this song often because of my name being Brenda Lynn and the singer is Brenda Lee (people often sing it to me) and because I say these words so often. I am sorry for many things. I am sorry that my family has to deal with the consequences of my actions. I am sorry that I don't have all the answers. I am sorry that I can't keep control of my temper 85% of the time. I am sorry that I don't appreciate the love the Lord gives me more. I am sorry, so sorry, please accept my apologies.

Blame It on the Rain

So, here I am again in tiredandgrumpyville. I want to just blame it on the weather but I can't - I am just becoming ungrateful. I have so much to be thankful for and yet here I am discontent and wanting more. Yuck!

Here is the happy part of my post - I get to go and spend a few days with my folks that I have only seen for 2 hours in the last 6 months so that will be fun even if it snows. I am truly thankful for that!

Time Is On your Side

I am not so sure of this title. Today I was in the Principals office that I once was in 20 years ago for some cheerleading fiasco only now to be the mother of a High Schooler!!!

I am excited for age but sometimes I still feel like I am a teenager again. Friends do that to me, my hubby makes me feel young, even my kids do. Then I look in the mirror and I am really going to be 34 soon! It has been good so far!

Held

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.
Chorus: This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow. (Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
Bridge: If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
(Chorus) This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

In the Garden

I come to the garden alone

While the dew is still on the roses

And the voice I hear, falling on my ear

The Son of God discloses

And He walks with me

And He talks with me

And He tells me I am His own

And the joy we share as we tarry there

None other has ever known

He speaks and the sound of His voice

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing

And the melody that He gave to me

Within my heart is ringing

And He walks with me

And He talks with me

And He tells me I am His own

And the joy we share as we tarry there

None other has ever known

I'd stay in the garden with Him

'Tho the night around me be falling

But He bids me go; through the voice of woe

His voice to me is calling

And He walks with me

And He talks with me

And He tells me I am His own

And the joy we share as we tarry there

None other has ever known

Feelings

I have many feelings today. I feel happy that my I got to spend time with my parents after a long winter without them. I feel sleepy - I think it is because I am old. I feel excited because I have the day off and get to do fun stuff with friends. I feel a bit anxious as we are going to deal with something a bit later today (pray if you would). I feel unmotivated as I don't want to clean. That's about all I have to say about that.

It is Well

On Friday I went to hymn sing with about ten 30-somethings plus kids and one hundred Seniors and it was wonderful. I hate tears in public but I have come to expect it now at hymn sings. The truth I hear, the hope of heaven, and the fact that we WILL face trials.

We ended with 'When We All Get to Heaven' and I was feeling really close to there already. I love to hear my kids sing the hymns and listen to the quartet. What a night.

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

I am so thankful today that He is in control. Things are changing in my world. My kids are growing up, my health is a bit off again, my job is great but ever changing, my husband becomes more handsome every day while I get older every day. I have posted about change and that it is not my favorite thing but I know God is stretching me to make it something I may look forward to just as I look forward to the change in seasons or to see the moon every night.

I have this picture in my head of God holding not only my cares, my fears, my hopes, but my husband, myself, my children, my friends. I am letting Him have it all this morning not just my worries and fears, but yours too. If you have any specifics please comment so I can pray and others can throughout the day. He is in control! Hallelujah!

I Don't Want to Grow Up

Today all I want to do is sit in my bed and sleep. I never was like that as a kid. I got up at slumber parties and still do at unearthly hours but today I am like my 13 year old and just want to sleep.

It is my day off and I am running errands and having coffee with a friend so that will make it all worth while. I may even fit a nap in. :)

I will Remember You

This week I have encountered many people from my past. It is so hard to remember who they were as most of them are now wives, parents, adults in general. I get to thinking about how we once were and I think we all have changed but the parts that we all loved about each other are the same.

I sat in a cafe today with 4 other moms and wondered where the last 16 years went since high school. These women have been there for me through marriages, babies, losses, and surgeries. I hope the next 16 years I still get together with them and remember who we were and what brought us together and smile that we were young once and enjoy the age we have become like we did today. God is good! He has allowed me to have some great friends!

Thank you for giving to the Lord!

Today I went to the funeral of the founder of New Life, the school I attended from 6th grade to graduation, the place I met my husband, some of my best friends, and learned to the love the Lord more and more. It was surreal as my old choir director was up on stage singing and many faces of teachers and friends from the past were there also.

His two sons spoke about losing their dad and then they both went on to say that Christ was his life. He shared his faith with everyone. I remember many a choir concert listening to his Darth Vader voice as he gave the invitation.

My life would be very different without this man following his heart to start a church and school. I am challenged to thank people in life for what they have done. My prayers are for the family!

He so Fine!

So we stayed at the Water Street Inn last night. It was the Lumber Baron ten years ago when we stayed there for our first night as "The Chermaks". We stayed in the same room and after a wonderful dinner at Buca Di Beppo's he swept me off to our room which had rose petals all over and presents. He had it all set up and I had no clue and it was great! Then we walked around Stillwater this morning. It was so fun and I felt so young.

Did I ever tell anyone that I married such a great guy?

I've Been Waiting for a True Love's Kiss

I really love this movie Enchanted. It is full of innocence and fairy tales and makes fun of itself at the same time. My son didn't hate it either although it is a bit mushy and girly at parts.

I am very excited for my night of fun and surprises! I don't know where we are going tonight, but anywhere with Steve is fine!

It's Your Love

Steve and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this Friday. He has plans to take me to dinner and somewhere for the night and I am very excited! I wish I could come up with some wonderful gift for him but I am falling short after he is planning so much.

I still believe that God was kind when he allowed Steve to fancy me and Ashley. He is a great father, a great friend, and much more...

The title of this is the song that I call 'our song'. Steve probably thinks some Beatles song or something along his taste is our song but if that is the only thing we disagree on that is o.k. : )

Give Me A Break!

I am so sick of the snow!! My kids loved it and I am sure I should cherish that but I want to have no more boots! No more wet clothes! No more missing one glove! No more scarfs or hats all over the house and in every vehicle! It is pretty, but today will be pretty messy!

The weekend is what I am looking towards right now - warmth!

We're All In this Together

My heart has been brought to the thought of how every time I choose to make up an excuse or get too busy with life, I am letting the Body of Christ down. I think of myself as a bone in the body. I do my purpose but people really won't know if I am there, but do know when I am broken. I need to aspire to be part of the eye or a tooth in the mouth so that I am more active and not just there.

My prayer for the Body is that we work together, even with those we don't want to, that we love as a unit and show Christ as a whole.

Just what I have been thinking about.

Look Away

It seems this is the season for sickness in my family. Someone must always be sick!!! I can not wait to open windows for good and then at least we can be sick and have fresh air too.

Welcome Back!

She is home and she always looks older when she returns. Her trip was eventful and she has learned some new words, new concepts and has seen a new worldview. I can say she is not sheltered. She said it was like living in a foriegn country.

I am so thankful when we are all home together! I hope I stay this grateful for a long time!

Vacation

We just got back from Hot Springs, South Dakota and had a good time. It was in the 60's and we enjoyed have a break from life and living in small town America. I would have liked to come back to no snow but maybe spring will be here soon.

It was hard to be on vacation without Ash, pray she comes home safely tomorrow!

Don't You Forget About Me

Tomorrow Ashley leaves for Texas for the week and I am sad and happy for her. She wants to be a light and she gets to be in warm sun and that is why I am happy. She is afraid that she may not get to go church for Easter and it would be sad if her dad let her down after that promise.

Pray for her if you think about.

Everybody have fun tonight!

I am off to watch a bunch of ladies cut pictures of their families and loved ones and put them in books with pretty lay outs and stuff! It should be fun and I hope that I get to sleep a bit.

Crazy

I think this world has gone nuts!! From the way a guy can call a girl any name you want and it is just 'ha ha' funny, to the way sex is protrayed to teens on tv, to the fact that most politicians and celebrities have no moral compasses anymore. I need to be on my knees more and I feel compelled today to pray for people to take their lives more seriously. There is a lot of time for fun but not 'everything' has to be funny!
(Vent over!)

Stand In the Place Where You Live

I am so proud of my daughter. (Watch out mommy brag moment). First, she has really started to grow in her faith. Second, she did a great job reading Scripture at church on Sunday. Third, she is trying to love her dad in Texas by showing Him the way to heaven. I love her heart!!

Jesus Bring the Rain

My life has been a series of how God is in control even if we are not. I love this song and I am ready for the rain in many ways here in MN. I love how when it rains in the spring everything gets clean and the salt and the sand go away - just like how often times when it rains in my life it is just leading me to that Glorious Sunrise that does eventually show up!

I'm Starting with the Man in the Mirror

It is time that I practice what I preach! I often say to my 13 year old that is it a choice if you are going to be in a bad mood or not and then I get crabby for very legitimate reasons, but still choose it! I will practice (try to) self-control and be happy!

There is a Pastor in my office that sings God's praises everyday! I am so humbled and blessed by him. I came into the office all crabby and waiting for the coffee to be made and he says "Isn't it a glorious day!". He just lost his wife of over 50 some years and he embraces the life that God gave us more than me - who just has a cold and doesn't want it to be cold anymore.

I need to change!

So, You Had a Bad Day

It is not the end of the world, but I am sick of feeling sick. As soon as I got my energy back from the surgery I got a cold and then the stomach flu and then another cold and now an ear infection. My kids have gotten it too so that makes me have to be less selfish and care for them too. Mikey is used to colds, my allergy/asthma kid so he takes it well and has had one as long as me. The girls depend on what kind - the fever seems to come with it so that is a bummer.
I am also sick of the COLD!!! It stinks that we are not going to Florida to see my folks or at least I would have that to look forward to. I wish I had money and could just fly down to see them for the weekend!
Anyway, great mood for a Monday! Someone comment and tell me to get over it!

Waiting on the World to Change

Change. I hate change, but yet so long for the weather change, the mood change, the rut to change, the day to change. I need it yet am uncomfortable with it. Too bad for me. Change is always happening and I need to just go along for the ride and deal.

Here is what changing in my world

• my kids - they keep growing and becoming more and more individual
• my mindset - I can do whatever God asks of me and I will be obedient
• my self - image - I know who I am and will work on what needs to be worked on and be content with the rest
• my heart - I want to show love more and want to see people find the only Love that matters

God is in Control

The week is flying by which is good. It means it is almost warm again for the weekend. Weird trend to have warm weekends and weekdays that I just want to stay in bed until it warms up again.

Had a good talk with my friend and know that God has given me this relationship with her and how blessed I am! I still dislike topics that are not easy but God is pushing me forward, not backwards and I will always listen even if He has to drag me kicking and screaming!

I Get By with a Little Help from Friends

Some days are definitely better than others but when you have good friends it does not matter much. My friends in life have been great. I am having a 'discussion' with one this week as we have had something come between us that really does not involve us directly but I will be glad to clear the air and yet scared at the same time.

How do you deal with conflict? I usually like to ignore it or run - I guess I must be maturing a little to actually deal with it. (At least that is what I am telling myself!)

Dream, Dream, Dream

I have lots of dreams floating around in my head lately. Mostly tropical places and warm sun not in a parka. Dreams of health, family being home and together, my friends finally getting their dreams met, and dreams of energy. I look at my life and see that I have a lot.

I was pulling in my driveway the other day and thought back to when I lived in an apartment in Virginia and paid $275/month and we barely made it and now I am back in my old neighborhood - something I never thought would happen. Me, once a knocked up teen, turned abused wife, turned single working mom living in her parents basement, to wife of a wonderful man and wonderful children living in surburbia serving a God who has given more than anything I can ever dream of.

We are Family

I have been a mother for 13 years. I have grown so much from watching my kids become real little people. I have watched them learn to speak, walk, run, read, show self-control, love one another, love God and love me (even when I do not deserve it). Some days have been better than others but their smiles always warm my heart. God is so great to allow these beautiful people in my life even if it is going by so fast. My oldest now is 6 inches taller than me and probably smarter than me, but she can never love me more than I love her. They may hear me yell as they run through the house, roll their eyes, pick on each other, but I am still taking in every minute that they give me. I wish I could remember more often that they will only be this age once and I should cherish it.

Heat Wave

I am dreaming of a hot days, buds on the trees, happy flowers blooming, and not having to bundle up every time I go out! I am ready for it to stay 20 or above for awhile!!

My Funny Valentine

I believe that Hallmark and other such industries are doing very well today! I got a fun card from my hubby that sings Johny Cash "Walk the Line". He got me candy and we got the girls jewelry and candy and Mikey candy and a pen (no reference to Say Anything). I the practical one got him a new shirt which he looks like candy in so I think it is the same. We are either going to see the new VeggieTales movie tonight or to Chuck E Cheese. Either way I don't cook and we all have fun. The kids have a 4 day weekend and so do I. Looking forward to that. Saturday our Sunday School class is having its annual Valentines dinner which is always fun. We play the Newlywed game and enjoy time as adults.

I'm so Dizzy My head is Spinning

So, throughout the whole surgery thing my kids and hubby all had the stomach flu and some major colds. I got none. I am very thankful for that! Now I got the cold - just started working out and feeling normal and all I want to do is crawl back into bed but my son was sick on Monday and the kids have Friday and Monday of next week off so I must work!!! I am dreaming of vacation and warm sun!

I am looking forward to a cup of Caribou this morning as my throat aches. What is your comfort for when you are down?

I also like Cheetos, but not with a sore throat.

I Just Called To Say I Love You

I guess there is some big holiday coming up and it has something to do with love (or chocolate, or both). If you know me at all you know I LOVE my husband! Here is what I love about him:

• He loves God.
• He loves me.
• He is so great with the kids.
• He is so thoughtful.
• He is a great kisser!
• He is my best friend and I trust him more than I thought I could trust anyone.
• He is such a great provider.
• He still is the 11 year old I met in high school - I love how time has not made him mean or angry - just wiser.
• He helps around the house even after a long day at work.
• Family comes first.
• He puts up with me even when I really don't deserve it.

I could go on forever. Tell me what is special about your valentine.

I Miss You Like Crazy!

This is the first year we are not going to Florida in some form and I miss my mommy and daddy. This is my mom. At least I can talk to her every day and look at her picture!

Never Gonna Get It

Somewhere in someone's video library is a tape of girls singing this song on my Senior Class Trip. I never knew this song would come to mind for me in so many different venues of life. Not in the exact text of the song but the title itself that some people are just Never Gonna Get It.

Your Momma Don't Wear No Socks

My friend told me last night that the 'yo momma' jokes are going around it always brings this song that I learned my 10th grade year on biology trip to mind. Being a mother is so different than I planned on it being. I thought my kids would always look at me adoringly, that I would never get old, and that I would never say 'Just wait until you have a teenager!'. I love being a mom! Socks is an issue with my Ashley. She does not like to wear them and then her feet smell from her shoes and then we gently tell her that (make fun of her and make her wash her feet) and then the next morning - no socks again.
What battles did you pick with your parents? I was naive and always challenged my parents wisdom.

Hallelu - Praise ye the Lord!

Ashley got her results back and she has gastritis which is an infection that can be treated! I never thought I would be so happy about an infection but we have results it was all worth it and now we can move on!!! Yeah!!

What a Beautiful Morning!

I have begun to get older and now can not sleep in like I once was used to. Mornings are precious though. They are silent and still. I almost look forward to them until about 2 pm when I wish I could lay on the floor at the office and take a nap. : )

I Will Survive!

She went through it and her insides look great except her stomach. The dr. took biopsies so we will find out in a week or so but he thinks it is an infection. My poor girl went through so much. Children's hospital is amazing! Great experience there!

The Sun Will Come Out - Tomorrow

So the prep for Ashley has been horrific. She is nervous and sick and weak and drama, drama, drama. Please think of her today as she has her procedure at 1:15 pm. Thanks!

I Always Feel Like Somebodies Watching Me

This one will stick in your head. :) So, my family has had some health issues within the past 12 months and someone asked me yesterday if I felt there was Spiritual oppression in my house. When I was I kid I lived around the block and there was a murder/suicide in our house we own now. When we moved in I prayed over the house, but not to rid of anything, just of things to come. Some relatives said we should all pray over it and now this comment - I am not sure what to think. Everything we have had illness wise has been fixed. What do you think?

Here and Now

So, in my devotions today I ready about how I am supposed to focus on today and not worry about tomorrow. Good verses as I am worried about Ashley have the endoscopy on Friday and Gracie going to the ENT on Thursday and finding out why she has had a sore throat for 6 weeks. I will focus on today for I am sure it will have enough for me to think about!

Girls Just Wanna have Fun

So, after a very relaxing weekend I am off to be with Laura for some coffee and cookies (made by my loving husband). I so enjoy seeing this lady about once a week for the last 9 years. We have taken time off for kids and such but we try hard to keep our visits frequent. How fun!

Let's Get Physical

Despite what this song really means I am talking about the dr. My daughter is now heading to the dr. to see what has been bothering her since Thanksgiving. We hope we can pinpoint it soon she has had stomach issues for too long.
I used to so look forward to Friday's but now my day off is on Tuesday and we will see how I like it. It makes sense to have me in the office on my bosses' day off to represent them so if I am able to accomplish a lot it may work out better in the long run.
Looking forward to a weekend that has very little on the schedule. It seems since Christmas every night has had something and just chillin' seems great.

All In (letting go)

Here is the Toby Mac song that I am so feeling today!
I'am letting go
I'am letting go
I'am letting go
Why's it always circumstantial?
Never any real potential
Obvious and so sequential
It always ends the same
Holding out with all that's in me
Is it worth all this pretending?
A story with an ugly ending it's never worth the pain
So right here and now I am all in
[Chorus]Cause I'm letting go of everything I am
And I'm holding on to everything You are
I'm letting go of everything I once was I'm all in
I'm fallin' into Your arms again
I'am letting go
I'am letting go
Can we just wait out the weather?
I could stay right here forever
Got to get myself together
Real life is on the way
Call it my foregone conclusion
I'll always welcome Your intrusion
You're the master of my choosing
I'm all Yours
This time I'm so for real
It's time I sealed the deal
Shut down my lame appeals
I'm letting go I'm letting go
I'll throw caution to the sky
Kiss all my fears goodbye
This time its do or die
I'm letting go

Wake Me Up Before You Go

Man, am I tired today! I know I have a good month before I get all my energy back but I feel like I could sleep until spring!! Long weekends do that to me though. Glad to see the cold letting up a bit - sad that I think the teens are warm.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

It is amazing to me how many times when your kids are 10 and under you hold their hands. Now that I have a 13 year old I don't get to do that as much and every once in awhile she grab my hand in church or grab Steve's hand in the mall and we both just breathe those moments in. Cherish every needy moment your kids give you as you will look back at it so foundly and always remember what that little hand inside yours feels like.

This emotion was started by V's posts and I am so excited for the day she holds her daughters tiny little hand!

His Eye is on the Sparrow

I am going to a funeral today for a neighbor whose mom and dad died earlier this week. Yep, both died in the same day. His mom has been dying for awhile and went peacefully and his dad went back to his room and had a heart attack and died. I call that dying of a broken heart. They had been married 66 years and our neighbor, who I have known since birth, is their only son.

I know sometimes I need to be reminded how good I have it even in my worst times. Hey, I could still be a single mom scraping by or worse still in Texas.

I know He watches me.

Don't Let Me Get Me

It has been a low week for me. I got my reviews this week and even though my bosses think I am doing o.k. it is always hard to hear how much better you can be doing.
So, here is my Pink song for me today -

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
I wanna be somebody else,
Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe somethin
A day in the life of someone else?

I don't feel like this always, but this moment I relate.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

My kids are unable to have pets as my son is allergic to most dander known to man. He is getting better and last night we were at a house with 3 dogs. These dogs have not met kids very often and were eager and scared to meet them and went for them. Gracie and Mikey ended up crying and it put a damper on what was a fun eveving of fellowship and service (my hubby did some wiring stuff). I have always feared dogs but have tried real hard to get over it before the kids came. These dogs were small dogs so they did not scare me, but the were still over half my kids size when the jumped up so I understand.

Regrets I've Had A Few

I guess this is the week of humbling for me. I need to look at myself and see if I am ok with who I have become and quit looking back. I don't think I was one of the mean girls but maybe oblivious and egocentric (weren't all teenagers?). I know now that I am have not yet become who I want to be.

• I want to be confident.
• I want to be loving at all times.
• I want to be satisfied with what I have.

Things to work on.

She Works Hard for Her Money

What a day yesterday! I am glad it is over! I know that it will always be work and that I will always need to improve.

Anyway, I will be happy because today is payday and I can once again feel like I contribute to the family!! Yeah for money or work would be icky!

Hold up Wait a minute!

My body told me it is time to back off so I am back to the couch today to get ready for a full week of life. I never thought that a Wii could make muscles ache, but it did! :) It was so fun and I beat the people that ALWAYS win at games! No, I am not competitive but sometimes you just want to win. You get one turn with these people when you play Pictionary as they finish before you get the second so winning was fun.

The time of my life

So, I have walked down memory lane and saw how wonderful God has provided in the present in one day. I am down today as I feel so icky but yesterday was good. I got a hair cut, met with my sister-in-law for a few hours, met with someone I have needed to catch up with for years and feel I need 5 more lunches like that, and had dinner with friends that make me feel young (although I tried on jeans and can not wait to work out again!). It was a good day and I hope to have that again soon.

Informer

So, my boss caught me carrying a chair yesterday and I got in big trouble and now am paying in blood and pain for it!! I will learn someday! Looking forward to a painfree February.

I'm so excited

I am really ready to see what it will be like to be at work again. We will see how well I do. I can't sleep so I know that will affect me. I just watched "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". I always relate best to the minorities - funny as I don't see myself as one most of the time. It made me think would I want to go back and be young again? What do you think?
I know I want to be fun again but not young.

It's the Final Countdown

The dr. said I am a bit behind on recovery and gave me 2 more weeks of pain and 6 more weeks of fatigue, but now the countdown is on as I am healed mostly. I am so excited to get back to normal and even go to work. Surprise, Surprise, Surprise.

Back to life - back to reality

I hope that I will be able to be back to normal (or as normal as I get) after my appointment tomorrow. I am excited to make plans and go back to work and be out of the house. I did go out for a girls overnight with Laura over Christmas break and that was great but I am so tired from it. I hope my energy returns soon!