My hopes for the New Year!

1. To be more loving - just as Christ is!
2. To watch my tongue more carefully!
3. To give my best to my family.
4. To continue working out as I was before surgery.
5. To reconnect with those I have neglected.

This is the first year since I have had kids that I don't have a number of what I want to get to. I just want to be healthy. Any goals for the new year?

Have yourself a Merry Christmas!

May you have all you need, may you give all you can and may you have more love than you know what to do with!

On my knees

I have time on my hands but this can be used for good - if there is anything you want me to in prayer for please tell me. It would be an honor to take it to God for you.

Love is all around you

This time of year is so great, but I get so sad to see so many unhappy shoppers. I smile at everyone I make eye contact with and maybe get 2 smiles back. Now, I am short and most people don't see me but come on - smile!

Will you get it all done?

I only have stocking stuffers left to get for my family and a few 'needs' gifts for Steve. I got him a camcorder so now it is down to socks and underwear - good times for him. I have yet to see 'It's a Wonderful Life' and hope to enjoy that soon. I wish I could get gifts for everyone. I never used to be like this, but my husband is so giving and has found the perfect gift for my boss, Pastor Caldwell and he just hears needs. I do so enjoy that and see it passed on to my kids.

Concerts and more concerts

This weekend our church is having it's Christmas concert and my 2 little ones are in it. I can not do choir this year as youth was switched to Wednesday and that is where I feel called and have been for the last 4 years. So, we have a concert tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday night on top of school concert practice Sat. morning and the performance Sunday afternoon. Also, they sing at both services on Sunday morning. I love the concerts it reminds of when we did them at New Life - I may get to see them again as Ashley is really thinking about going there.
This will bring Christmas to life for me this weekend! What gets your Christmas blood going?

Nothing gonna stop us now

Our family has had it season of sickness - Steve has been home for the past 2 days with the stomach flu and Ash had an ER visit on Saturday. My recovery is going well so I kicked it up yesterday and now I am paying for it but it felt so good to be useful again. Can't wait to see what the weekend brings!

What was the worst act of defiance that you did as a kid?

As I watch my kids whitewash, hit and push each other at the bus stop (they are all now grounded!), I think back to what I did to torment my parents. Other than being a wonderful child I think, but the tping and the driving with 9 or more people in a hatchback got me in some trouble. But I think what took the cake was the fact that I needed to talk to my friends ALL the time! I now have a teenager who does the same thing.

What do you want for Christmas?

I want to be able to sit up for more than 3 hours, but really I want to have snow, good food, Jesus birthday cake and 4 slice toaster! What are you wishing for?

Trust in the Lord

Something I forget about a lot. Today God provided for me in such an amazing way! He had a friend call out of the blue and she said I am coming to clean and she did! What a great thing for my whole family!
I wonder why it takes me hitting bottom to reach up but that is how it always has been.

Need to take it easy

I went to the dr. and got my stitches out and checked for pneumonia. I am having pains in my shoulder and back which is due to the gas that is still trying to escape my body. I want to DO stuff and I can't and I want to be normal and go places but I can not drive until Tuesday. My hubby and friends have bought me movies and smut magazines and that has been great and I have a babysitter every day this week as Steve has to work at night a couple of days and it is great to talk with humans. (vs. the stuffed animals and dolls I have been talking with - maybe too much oxycodone?)
Looking towards the weekend and we have a couple parties which sound fun but may be a lot of work for me - we will see.

It is going slow

I don't think I believed I was going to dance the mambo right away but I can barely do stairs or anything without being exhausted and finding a new pain or muscle that hurts. The nurses said my hormones are adjusting and I hate crying so that is what I am doing at random times (pray for Steve). I can't quite see when I am going to just feel good but I know it will come. Distractions are nice - anyone want to come over? Made one of my friends come over and play a game with me so I could think of something else - phone calls help too. My mom and dad are now if Florida for the winter and I miss them already.
I love the snow and that has been great!

Home

Recovery is going well, but will be a bit longer than I thought it would. They were able to take only the uterus laproscopicly and that was good. My 2 young ones started throwing up last night so I am hoping not to throw up too. Will check back in a few days - i am not supposed to be doing the stairs yet.

Today is the day

I think that the prep is going to bother me more than the surgery but I will be fine. My folks come in this morning. Gracie keeps saying 'Don't go' and it is breaking my heart a bit, but I should see them tomorrow. Nice having Steve home.

Christmas time is here...

I love the decorations that we got up and will love when Ashley gets home and the ornaments and twinkle lights for outside will go up then. It really has been a good Thanksgiving other than my Mikey having an asthma attack due to being in a house with cats too long. I did enjoy how relaxing these past few days have been and how loving my husband has been making me coffee every morning.

Tips on Teenagers

1. You will hate that they learn to roll their eyes after everything until you can not see them do it.
2. They need too much sleep, but even when they are 13 you will go in their room and watch them just as you did when they were a toddler.
3. They are always nicer for other people and soon you realize that is a GOOD thing.
4. They are often acting the same way you do so be careful how you respond to things.
5. Spend as much time as they will give you they grow up so fast.


It seems like yesterday I had a 6 year old, 1 1/2 year old and a preemie baby at Christmas and now I have a 13, 8 and 7 year old kids and it has flown by. A little nostalgic today, but this is fun. It is always fun to remember why you love who you love (esp. when they spent time in their rooms for hitting each other all night last night).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Need to vent!!

So, I know that you all know what a wonderful husband I have now so when I deal with my ex it is now even worse. He finally gave us flight info last night for her flight today only to find the tickets were not right and Steve needed to fix it once he got the airport - he is mad. The flight is late, not my ex's fault but I want to blame him. I wish Eric could just see how wonderful Ashley is and how loving she can be when she is loved. I know he has no clue how to love but I think it is about time he learns to overcome his past.
Lord,

Watch over my baby! I trust that You will be with her even though I can not! Love her and hold her when she needs it! Thank You!!

In Your Son's precious name,
AMEN

Reality

It is so much easier for me to be open with people when they actually are not there. I hate to really share my feelings because I just don't see them as all that important. I know if people ask they want to know but I have a hard time with this. Something for me to think about today.

Happy Birthday Gracie!

My baby turned 7 on Wednesday! We are having a party for her today and she has her friends coming over to play and eat cake. I can not believe that I have no preschoolers, no young kids anymore. This is why I steal other peoples kids and love on them until they cry or poop or both and give them back so I realize how much better it is to have the ages I have.:)

Stress

Silly
Time consuming
Really annoying
Emotion
So not needed
Sad

I am needing to breathe a bit. I will get all that I need to ready in due time and if it does not get done then I am not a failure. Just need to reassure myself! I have actually lost my appetite I am so bogged down. I know it will pass when I get really hungry or someone has cheetos, but I just want to feel normal and be in control.
Thanks internet for letting me vent! If anyone were to talk with me all I would do is cry and this is what I needed to get out at this moment. Yeah God for making ways to let it out!

I am all bunched up!

I did not think it would be appropriate to say panties in a bunch at the title. I don't know why. I am starting to get anxious and even though I took cough nightime medicine I am wired. I am starting to think about the book I am reading by John Piper, called Don't Waste Your Life. Not going to sleep thoughts. I am also dreaming of Christmas and how much I love this time of year and how I need to focus on that instead of what is to happen in 2 weeks.
My panties are now a bit less bunchy - maybe time for a smaller pair.;)

Christmas

We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with the Johnson side yesterday and it was so fun and good! The food was delicious and of course I like the way my mom prepares everything so I am not so anxious to have Chermak Thanksgiving. Ashley will be in Texas for that and I hate it when she is gone anyway. Got some cute clothes and was able to give thoughtful gifts away. I love when money isn't a problem. Isn't always that way though. Looking forward to a full week but first Fallfest at church today. We all meet at Northwestern college for one big service and the two little ones are singing and it should be fun!

Crazy day!

I look towards the day and see that it is full. I am off to a field trip with Mikey and then have to return to work and then home to make supper and then to youth group. I know that it will be a good day and a day that I will look back and smile about but right now it seems too much. I do look forward to Saturday when we celebrate Thanksgiving/Christmas with my folks. I enjoy not have to split the holidays as my folks leave for Florida right after Thanksgiving and my dad and brother hunt at Thanksgiving so we celebrate early to fit it in comfortably.

Choir flashbacks

So, my head is full of songs today. Started with Joy, Joy, Joy.

Everything gonna' be alright
Gonna' be alright
Everything gonna' be alright
Gonna' be alright in Christ
Gonna' be alright in Christ
Gonna' be alright in Christ
Ba umm Chick chick (something like that)

It is giving that we receive,
It is pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it is dying that we are born
to eternal life.
Make me an instrument of thy peace.
I want to know what it's like to follow you-
When men look at me
I want them to see
The light of the world inside.

What's your favorite?

Monday, Monday

It seems like a strange day today. I don't know if it is the snow flurries or the fact that my kids have yet another cold, or that I am preparing to be off work for a month. It seems not real to me. I have a lot of stuff I want to get done but know that it all won't and that I will be ok with it. Just feeling odd! Not all that unusual.

Hymn sing

Our 30's and 40's something Sunday school class annually hosts the Seniors class for a hymn sing. This is the only time that I get up front and sing in front of people. My kids do to they will lead a few songs and last night they were so cute and LOUD! :) The words of the songs we sang last night are amazing and true! The King is Coming, How Great Thou Art, Amazing Grace, What a Friend We Have in Jesus, and In The Garden (my grandma's favorite). What a blessing to know He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own!

Happy Harvest Festival!

Today is the Harvest Festival here at church and of course it is Halloween. It seems weird that these two things are the same to me, but very different to many people. My kids will go out tonight and trick or treat - Ash as a 50's girl, Mikey as Black Spidey, and Gracie as a Geisha (she picked it out - don't know why). I look forward to seeing the neighbors that I trick or treated to for the last 30 years - it brings it all back the feeling of youth and the excitement you felt. I also like coming here to church and getting more candy. 2 years ago Mikey made a commitment for Christ here at this event and that is so significant to me.

Surgery is Scheduled

So, we went into today and found out that my uterus is falling and that is most of my pain issues so we are getting the uterus removed on November 26. I am a bit nervous but happy that I have a month to get things ready. Still processing it.

Cheerleading

Today I start coaching the cheerleaders at Christ Lutheran and I am a bit nervous. There are 13 girls and I don't know their cheers but I am bringing some of mine. It should be interesting since this weekend has been really painful and I get kinda crabby when I am in this amount of pain. Hopefully I will not have a problem with them and all will go well.

Party was great!

We had 20 kids show up and they all seemed like good kids. It was fun and did not get out of hand. Then 6 girls stayed overnight and I did not become 'the mom' until 1:30 am when I said 'NO MORE TALKING!'. It was great to see Ashley have a good time and now I need some sleep.

Morbid thoughts

So, I did something that some might think is morbid last night. I came home from hanging out with my girlfriend and with coffee and a lot of emotions still encompassing me I wrote letters to my kids for them to receive if I were to die. I should say I have thought a lot about this letter thing since I read it in a magazine a few months back and grew fond of the idea of speaking from beyond the grave. I would like to have more time to be more specific but that is not happening today as the party is on for tonight even though Ashley's room is a war zone and the kitchen floor and table are yet to be found. I will get to them soon and it will not be half as hard as I think it would be. Kids will not care if the steps are not vacuumed but I will so that will have to get done. So off to read for awhile and enjoy a cup of coffee on my day 'off' and then get to housecleaning!

What a wonderful world

I love fall. It is my favorite season! It is funny because I hate change but fall is the one season that continually changes. Ashley has a party at our house tomorrow night and kids have been invited outside of the class so we will see how crowded it becomes. I wonder if I should dress up? Ashley would be so embarrassed but her friend said it would be stupid if I didn't so we will see. I have a shirt that says 'costume' on it that I have worn for years now. I feel so peaceful today but still looking forward to a cup of Caribou soon!

God bless the Broken Road that led me straight to Steve!

I am a bit sappy this morning as I remember that I am so blessed to have a man who loves me and puts up with me even though lately I have been a wreck. So, this tumor in my uterus is a source of tension for me and him. It does affect him also, and I understand wanting to fix it but I want to know how and when and how long I am off work and my world has to stop. We go in Tuesday to get our answers but until then things keep going on the calendar. God will work it out - He always does. I need to give it all away and trust, something I always need to work on.

Life keeps chugging along

Just as a friend spoke of signs of aging I have come to realize that I too am really old. I no longer can stay up with girlfriends and eat junk food and NOT suffer from it. I no longer can tolerate whining past 9 pm and I no longer desire to stay up til all hours of the night just 'cuz I can. Although, my spirit is young. I want to giggle with my family and friends. I want to sing at the top of my lungs and spin around like on The Sound of Music. I want to embrace that today is a new day and Tuesdays are always better than Mondays. Ok now I am ready to go forward and maybe do my hair at least some things do not change - I love ponytails and easy comfortable clothing still.

High School Musical 2 Party tonight!

I know that sounds weird for a bunch of 30 something's to have a party over a Disney show but that is what we are doing. It is a clean version of Dirty Dancing. Fun movie! Then some karaoke revolution and we have a night! Yeah, I am wild!

Why can't we all be happy ALL the time?

OK, I have found this blogging thing to be very therapeutic and a good way to be open when I would rather never share anything than with a few people in the world. I think I need to type a frustration list and let it stay in cyberspace and give it to God and not think about it for a while.

Frustrations

1. My daughter is growing up too fast.
2. My body is not cooperating with me and I don't want surgery.
3. This working out has not changed my life as so many said it would.
4. I worry too much about everything.
5. I want to give the best to my family and I often fall short.

Believe it or not just putting it out in front of me takes a load of - so any advice on any of these just post would love to hear - however I don't give out candy but will have you over for dinner!

Sleeping in

I know this concept is foreign to my friends who have small children but I have older children(remember they were once small) that still do not sleep through the night but that let me sleep in. The first one got up at 8 am and the second 8:45 am and I heard Ashley open her door at about that time and turn on the tv downstairs. Even though I warn them to be silent I still enjoy the giggling they do in the morning and how easy it is to wake up to that(don't tell them they will only laugh louder).
Today is not so busy - just spinning and maybe a bonfire if the weather cooperates, but other than that I am winging it and love the idea of not having to go anywhere!

Let the games begin!

We are off to the dr. and then to work and then a lunch with the school in our building and then to bowling and finally a thing I have waited for but can't talk about until tomorrow and then home. I don't like the word 'busy'. I believe it is a choice and if you let your schedule control you it seems you never enjoy where you are at presently. I am enjoying the thought of coffee as I wait at the dr. office with the kids, but other than that I can only get done what comes at me at that minute. Luckily, I have three helpers today! Well, breakfast time!

Overload!!

Work was overloaded today and my head is still trying to process what I need to get done for tomorrow. I do not like feeling overwhelmed, but it will pass. My kids have Thursday and Friday off and Friday should be fun. We are bowling with the youth tomorrow and I hope that I get above a 20. Off to spinning!

Morning rush

I never thought I need routine so badly as I really do. I love that my kids are old enough to know what to do next. I am so thankful for coffee - isn't that sad? Such a little thing as special creamer can make my day go from augh to ahh! Can't wait for the sun though.

Work?

I often wonder what I consider more work. The office, the kids, the cleaning, the acting like everything is ok, or just the organizing it all in general. I see the kids as a blessing now more than ever and the cleaning just doesn't get done enough to be work. The acting is the most work because it it the only thing I put solely upon myself. I do like my job and when I do organize I like that also. JOY is what I am working on!!

I love my mommy and daddy!

My folks are 'drive-by' parents as they have appointments here in the cities and then drop something off at our house and drive away. Well, yesterday my dad helped Steve do some tree trimming and it was so great to spend a few hours with them - they are so great and the kids adore them! I hate that they go to Florida every year but do love to visit them there!

Not so flowery today

I am so sore from working out and Yvonne is making me go again tonight! I do enjoy the time we spend as we build up our bodies with strength and peace - the no kids thing is a plus! I am starting to long for a sunny day but know that I can not see outside so it might be sunny - no windows in my cubicle. Looking forward to my day off tomorrow and being home.

What a friend we have in Jesus!

I had the opportunity to be interviewed by the Seniors class in our church and I can't wait to grow old and to be wise! I so hope that the Lord allows me to live in Him for a long time! Life is a bit unexpected and due to a Dr. appointment I am now getting a little nervous about things but Jesus can take it all!! As my son was working on his memory verse this morning for school which was 'Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you' I knew that God was talking directly to me! What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear, what a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. What a joy we often forfeit oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we did not carry everything to God in prayer!

Back from hearts at home

I finally remember what I love about being a mom and a wife and what blessings God gave me! I needed this weekend!