Love is Patient

I have heard from her and the Lord is with her and she is doing well. I am not patient and need to wait on the Lord with this one. Thanks to all those who are praying - she said she feels it!

Where are you now?

This is the question I am asking. Not where God is, because He is carrying me but where is my daughter. We raise our kids with the knowledge that we will have to let them go but not thinking they will be somewhere they are unsafe or uncared for the way they need to be or deserve to be. I have had a lot of prayer surrounding me or I think I might be driving looking for her. It is not right that I can't talk with her but I know that God is with her.

My hope is that she is enjoying the sun, having some fun and getting to know her baby brother. This could be true. It might be true.

The emotions that are still on the forefront are anger. Why would someone want to fight for 15 years? I don't want to fight. How do you fight and not forgive someone after so long? How can you think that people don't change and really can love with Christ's love? I don't always need to understand. I just need to hear from her soon.

Who Knew

I never thought that things would come full circle the way they are in a particular area in my life. I always hope the best but prepare for the worst and we are somewhat there, the worst, the hard part.
I know that I am grateful for many things and love life for so many reasons and God is awesome, but in this situation I am fearful. Praying for it to be so much better than I am preparing for, it could be better, it should be better. We will see.

Fight like a Girl

I love being a woman sometimes. I love to dress up and put on makeup and do my nails and smell pretty - sometimes. Not all the time. I often wish that I didn't run like a girl or cry like a girl or even look like a girl. Being a man sometimes seems easier, but I am sure it is not.

I can tell you I have never been in a fight, true take you down fight but if I was, I would NOT fight like a girl. I have been incredibly edgy this week and my emotions are right there and my anger is bubbling. My fighting would be more like a wild animal who has waited years for its prey.

So I pray that I can distract myself enough to hold it together and if it ever happened I would at least be a lady. Here's to hoping!

God is God and I am not

I am so happy for this statement. Everything is in His hands, everything is in His plans and He promises that we will not go through unnecessary suffering! AMEN!!!!

I Fall to Pieces

I have never been accepting of change. I have avoided it, been excited sometimes but the unknown change shakes me. Right now that is where I am at. The UNKNOWN. I would love to control so many things and I have no control to speak of. I am trying so hard to 'Lean NOT on my own understanding' kind of easy when I have no understanding of peoples behavior, only mine.

So I will rest in the Lord and allow Him to carry me in pieces until I can see everything come together again, may be years but He has carried me this far.

Comfortably Numb

I have not been down the 'woe is me' road lately. I have been down with a sinus infection, dealing with some old wounds in my life, watching friends go down wrong roads, watching others suffer not on their own accord and ready for change in many different ways. Overall, I have been numb.
I know feeling is better than not feeling at all, but sometimes for a moment I need to think before I react to what is going on around me. It does not happen much that I think first so this is new but I am starting to feel again.
What I feel is blessed that I am not where I once was, that I have people who love me and I can trust, that God will never give me more than He thinks I can handle. I need to remember the last one and pray that my friends remember it also.

Why Can't We be Friends

My mind is going somewhere not so good right now. A place that is now very unfamiliar to me. A dark place where there is only hope in God. Not totally a bad place to be if you can still see the Light but lonely and I am tired of visiting this place, tired of the same things happening and no change in sight.
Need to work it out and overcome, Easter will definately be a day that brings more than Hope but relief for me. Jesus on the cross will remind me that I can give so much more and be so much more loving. Keep the eye on that and not the dark places.

Let's Get Physical

Ok for those who know me that is not what I mean. I mean let's start walking. I really want to join a gym again with someone not alone as I do so much better with a friend. I asked Steve if he would walk with me and he said sure for a day. Whatever.

Spring has sprung and I am ready for summer, might be too soon but something to look forward to!

Who I Am

I just got an email to interview at http://bloginterviewer.com/family/random-thoughts-of-kindness-brenda-chermak. So I filled it out and it asked me all these questions about why I blog, why people would want to read this spewing of thoughts I have and so forth.

I really don't know why people would read this but I know why I blog. I communicate so much better with myself and maybe others on paper. To see my thoughts helps me to understand them better. Also, I have some friends who live out of state or I can not talk to daily that can see what is going on and I love to read what is going on in their lives.

Finding out who I am in my mid thirties has been my main revelation from my blog and to see God is good all the time!