Don't Cry Outloud

I feel like a big whiner and can not wait until when someone asks me how I am I can say 'Great!'. I am still in pain and having some issues with meds and the healing inside but I just want to be able to stay up past 10 pm and not need a nap everyday and feel normal.

Ok - got that out of my system. So, the thing I was thinking about today was loving people how I want to be loved. I sometimes see it as too much work to actually think about things like that and it seems worthy of time and effort to love like Christ.

To love with no judgement, honesty, through the good, the bad and the ugly (been there lately). To love with no regrets and share with open hearts. To trust people, that they won't just throw me away because I don't fit their mold. I really have a hard time trusting people so why should they trust me and invest in me. I am working on that, have been working on that for about 14 years now. I trusted people until I loved someone who was not worthy and treated me like I was nothing and I believed it and am now working on believing I am something if only in Christ.

IF ONLY IN CHRIST - that should be enough. Christ's Love is enough. His choosing me is enough. Because God loves me I am somebody. I want to love like Christ. I want everyone to feel like they are so special they are crazy not to know it. I hope Steve feels that way and my kids know love. I hope my friends feel that love, if it is not from me from their spouses. I know Steve loves me like that and I am forever thankful for God allowing me to feel a bit of His unconditional love on earth.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

It is the time of year I like the least. I don't hate it but I enjoy going outside and this is not fun outdoor time for me. I like taking a full breath outside and not hacking because the air is so dry and freezing. I love fall to Christmas, second is summer and this time of year is last, but we are heading out of town for a weekend and soon to go to Florida.

I am in search of finding my niche this time of year. Prayer comes more easily as it gets dark early. Time seems to go slowly and I should cherish that and yet I yearn for spring days and lighter coats. I need to be content with now and then embrace the change. When will I get that right? Something I can always work on, I guess.

I think I may start my own holiday. Just a reason in February for a party. Not sure what to call it, not a Valentines thing but families and food and some traditional game playing or something. Maybe a Mexican/Sioux festival with my own nationality dance and theme song. Would you come to my Mex/Native Americana fest?

You're My Best Friend

I have never been one to say this is my best friend until I got married to Steve. I never called girlfriends that because in Junior High I did and hurt someone else so I thought better not call anyone that. I have had many life long friends and have been so blessed by those relationships.

I often refer to my mom now as one of my closest friends. What a great God I have to bring us together! I love my mom so much and miss her when she is in Florida. Less than a month until I see her and can be warm in the sunshine in Florida!

I love so many different things about the people in my life. God uses people daily to serve Him and when we listen we make a huge difference. Here is how people, friends, were used this past week for me -

• Talking on the phone with me.
• Going to a movie/having a pedi with me
• Coming and making sure I was ok.
• Meals
• Phone calls
• Emails

It all meant so much and prayers. I was so blessed to be praying for another friend and not fretting about myself this surgery. What a great God! Still praying that God supports this other friend through this tough time the way He is holding me!

Walk This Way, Talk This Way

I often feel like a teen who is disobedient when I don't want to conform to the way people want me to. I know that I should be grateful for all I have and should be positive - who loves a 'Debbie Downer' but sometimes things get to me and I want to vent. I just need to make better choices of how I vent and who I vent to but I think it is helpful to the family if I get it off my chest and move on.

I have appreciated how people are teaching me to pray! Pray always, pray before you speak, pray when you are worried, pray for those you are fighting with, pray for your children, pray for healing for those who are sick, pray for patience. Many other things yet to learn!

I know I am not the same mold as most, but I hope to only be like One and I will always be working on that.

You Gotta Have Faith

I forget these truths so often.

• Trust God.
• He will provide.
• He keeps His promises.
• Pray.
• Love and know God loves you.
• Learn more about God and read about His faithfulness through the generations.