Don't Cry Outloud

I feel like a big whiner and can not wait until when someone asks me how I am I can say 'Great!'. I am still in pain and having some issues with meds and the healing inside but I just want to be able to stay up past 10 pm and not need a nap everyday and feel normal.

Ok - got that out of my system. So, the thing I was thinking about today was loving people how I want to be loved. I sometimes see it as too much work to actually think about things like that and it seems worthy of time and effort to love like Christ.

To love with no judgement, honesty, through the good, the bad and the ugly (been there lately). To love with no regrets and share with open hearts. To trust people, that they won't just throw me away because I don't fit their mold. I really have a hard time trusting people so why should they trust me and invest in me. I am working on that, have been working on that for about 14 years now. I trusted people until I loved someone who was not worthy and treated me like I was nothing and I believed it and am now working on believing I am something if only in Christ.

IF ONLY IN CHRIST - that should be enough. Christ's Love is enough. His choosing me is enough. Because God loves me I am somebody. I want to love like Christ. I want everyone to feel like they are so special they are crazy not to know it. I hope Steve feels that way and my kids know love. I hope my friends feel that love, if it is not from me from their spouses. I know Steve loves me like that and I am forever thankful for God allowing me to feel a bit of His unconditional love on earth.