Surf City Here we come!

One of our December adventures was the annual company party for my husband that usually puts us up at a hotel for the night. This year it offered an awesome discount for a second night where we stayed which was the Radisson/Water Park of America. So we got the second night and had Ashley drive the kids in and we played all day and due to the great accommodations the sleeping was great with bunks and a pullout - great hotel!!
Anyway, a few were brave enough to try the surfing ride. Ashley, Mike and Steve tried it and they did great. However the disclaimer that should be with this ride is "Your clothes may not stay on". Ashley almost lost hers, lots of girls lost their tops and the workers would quickly cover them with a towel. Mike lost his shorts, all the way down. The thing was there were these older ladies taking pictures of people as they wiped out and they kept filming as my son lost his shorts. Not sure why. Be careful on that ride.

I Like to Dance, Cuz I Got the Joy

I have many pictures to post of Christmas and we will see if that happens. It was a great Christmas which can be taken as almost uneventful. We did not mind that no one had mono or no drama or no illness. We enjoyed family and friends and food and celebrating the birth of Jesus. We enjoy being reminded that He came to the lowly state of a human babe to relate to us, to be real to us.

My greatest earthly joy this Christmas has been having the family together and that they are so greatful for all we have been blessed with, such as time together, food, family (love Skype), some fun gifts to bond us, some creative gifts to appreciate thoughtfulness, some needed things that we can appreciate as gifts, more food, and love. I pray that as you read this your time was spent with those you love and you felt love and peace and it will continue into the new year.

Let It Snow

It will and then we will all be complaining about how much work the snow is. I sure think it is pretty and peaceful to watch come down. It makes everything clean, I love that. A blanket of white, a clean slate.

I hope this year is a clean slate for all. I am looking forward to turning to 2012 as 2011 has been hard. I am sure some things in 2012 will be hard too but hopefully more sporadic than this year.

I feel like I am becoming something I said I wouldn't. I only thought this one other time and that is right before I got pregnant with Ashley. I am not letting go of my walk with Christ or rationalizing who I am like I did in 1993, but I am becoming a 'mom' and a 'wife' that takes it all for granted. I am very guilty of complaining these days. I hope that is not true soon. I will change this fact and make it past tense. I will have a clean slate.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I do not remember if my kids believed in Santa. It was never important to us at Christmas but I think Ashley believed and Michael for a moment but Gracie never got a chance. Now that they are 11, 12 and 17 Santa is not much of a topic unless they want to be 'santas' to others. They sure do like giving and I love that.

This Christmas has been very mellow except the remodel in my kitchen. My hubby is painting and putting in new flooring which I like but as we entertain we have to eat in the living room where the kitchen table is. Not too bad just a strange with the tree and a few couches and extra chairs in there. I will like it when it is all done. :)

I have been thinking a lot about all we have and pray that we all count our blessings more than just at Christmas. Family sure is wonderful and the 'things' just don't seem that important. So very thankful for all I have and even for all I do not have, probably makes life easier to go without certain things. Remembering the greatest Gift of all!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

And here is why I believe it is -

1. People are so much nicer. They smile at you and look at you and talk to strangers. It brings out some kindness that people keep bottled up all year long. It makes me feel normal as my my dad passed on the ability to talk to anyone.



2. You can sing in public and it isn't that strange. I love to sing! Now it is a bit more acceptable. I can even sing about Jesus.



3. People make time for other people. Even though Christmas is so busy we actually fit in what matters and that is those relationships we put off all year. I love it. Even if it is at a Christmas party where you catch up, you get to catch up.



4. Shopping is an equalizer. We were shopping at 2 am in the morning on the Friday after Thanksgiving and we talked to so many people. We are all trying to get a bargain some for others some for ourselves and people will help if they can. It was nice, tiring but nice.



5. You can say the name Jesus and not get shushed. Ok, maybe if you make Him in baby form it is easier for anyone to hear about Him, but I can say His name. I like that.



6. I am reminded that it is the simple things in life like the Christmas lights glowing while we all gather around, or snow falling, or smiles from a stranger that make me see His face at this time of year.

Even through the commercials and hoopla of Christmas that the world has made it. I see Christ in it all. What a wonderful thing!

Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart

What a difference a year makes. Unfortunately the illness that plagued my daughter was the onset of many things this year. But we are now seeing progress in a certain area of her life. I always look at hitting bottom as a blessing as we can only look up and work at it. That is what we are doing, working on it.

This Christmas will be different as I will miss the company party that I have attended the last 5 years. I never thought a job change would affect me. But it really became part of my life, not who I was but working with the youth on top of assistant to the youth Pastor became a big passion for me. I miss it, but very happy where I am now.

So much crammed into a month sounds chaotic but it will be a blast. I look forward to every Christmas carol, reminder of Christ's birth and the goodness of God, decorations, friends gathering, food, all of it. I love Christmas.

I am so thankful for many things this season. My Savior who has giving me so much and still teaching me more, my family - my husband is amazing, my kids are smart and growing into who God wants them to be, my parents, my brother, my in-laws - all of them. I am so grateful for my friends, those that are new and those that have known me for 20 + years! God is good!

Parenting 101 Class Please!

I am need of this class today. I love how you never get out of the parent role. My mom is still my parent. We are friends but there are moments she tells me what to do with my kids or my life and I listen and then talk with Steve if it is something that we would consider changing or needing to change. I get how to be a daughter, but a mom is whole other thing.

Any help or just acknowledgement of prayer would be great. My oldest is starting the process of emancipation. I know I went through it, I hear that this is normal, but the constant arguments about why she should get her way and then the statement that she will do it anyway is wearing on me. This week I have 'given up' and let Steve do all the discussion times with my daughter. I know that I must be having an off week, maybe hormonal but was nice to stay out of it this week.

Then I get a call from my mom challenging me on some of my thought processes. Am I letting her do too much? (I have tried to stop her before with no success so I don't really see it as stopping, you can't make a kid go to sleep, I think we as parents learn that around 2 days old.)
Should I be more involved in her choices with friends? (YES. Don't know how to do that right now. She has chosen some people we do not appreciate but those we do could hide a lot or those we do not like could be a diamond in the rough. This one is hard for me as a mom and Christian. I am to protect my kid yet teach them to love as Christ.) Can't you put down the rules more? (I don't know. We do punish her but the behavior returns, we do natural consequences. We listen as she tells us why she is doing stuff. I am at the end of my rope.)

So as I present this to Christ can you join me? And if you have any pearls of wisdom please share, even if it is how you parent your toddler, really I need it!

My Wish

Love this song. My wish right now is to freeze time as my kids are growing too fast. So thankful for every fight, hug, smile, tear, all of it. I will miss it and will choose to embrace this part of life with open arms.

My eyes are opening to a lot of things right now. I am growing and maturing, against my will sometimes, but happy to be molded by Him.

I am so excited for this season as I get to see it from such a different perspective. A viewpoint of those who are not all in a community where love is. I see a lot of lonely people, hope that we don't forget the people in our lives that live alone.

Now That We Found Love What are We going To Do With It

I so enjoyed this song in my youth and if I ever get to wedding that plays it at a dance what a fun one to jam to. :)

This weekend we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents and brother. It was fun but fast and always a bit sad as my folks are going to leave for Florida real soon.

We also have a big celebration at my church of 125 years. It is great to be reminded of what was done before us and we celebrate fun events. I hope that we can continue to be a part of where God is leading us. I wonder what the congregation that spoke mostly a different language would say about our building and plans.

I am working through a number of issues in my head as of late, one being my baby going away to college next year. This one is a hard one. We visited one college so far with more to come.

This Is How We Do It

I am doing great. If you ask me that is what I will say and it is the truth. I am great when I don't have to think about how weak I am. Not physically weak, but emotionally. My life is going in the right direction. I DO like my new job. I AM happy that I have made this change. It is only when I walk back into my old job that I am not well.

So this is how I need to deal with this. I need to focus on the fact that I am going to live for my family in that area of my life. I need to give it all to continue to make the effort and let God show me some love in this area and work on my dissapointment. That is all I can do. I hope it works.

So glad tomorrow is Friday night date night! Need it right now!

You Are My Sunshine

Sun is great. Although it does not solve all things. I have questions, such as...

• How do I trust people after they have proven to be untrustworthy?


• Why do people think you are supposed to just get over things immediately?


• Am I wrong for not being able to get past things?


• Can I be happy and not be content?


• Why are my kids smarter than me?


• Am I really getting old enough to lose memory cells?


• Could aging help me get over things?


• What was my point?

Yes, these and many questions are bouncing around in random order in my cranium. I don't think I will get answers but any suggestions would be great.

Your My Inspiration

Many people have inspired me in my life as of late. The wife who is losing her husband to ALS and blogging about how God is working in her life. The man who is fighting cancer after it returned after 5 years and continues to be hopeful. The woman who will live with cancer until she dies from something else and can still see the good that is on this earth. The mom who is homeschooling her 4 kids and pregnant with her 5th and still has energy to be a great friend. The newly married couple who is struggling to make it by and all they need is love right now.

I am inspired. I am reminded by how good life is and how I take it for granted and then stomp on it and whine and cry that I deserve so much more. I have done that for most of this year. Not all the time but have dealt badly with disappointment, expecting life to be easier, more Brenda friendly. My perspective at that time was my reality and now I see that it wasn't always true, ok maybe not true at all at times.

Thanks friends for the inspiration, hopefully one day I can return the gift.

I'm on the Edge of Glory

I feel different today. I don't know if it is just the weather or the fact that I feel settled or the fact that my kids are doing so well at school or I decided to be in a good mood or I have spent more time with the Lord. I am sure it is a combo of all of the above. What a good day! What a new place to be.

Loving it.

So here is what has been up that I have not shared. My kids go to the BEST SCHOOL EVER, their words. I became a soccer mom, Mike loves it. I have a Spoon as a daughter, excited for Beauty and the Beast. Ash is loving college life. I can handle 5 days of work a week as long as there is coffee. :)

Turn, Turn, Turn

If I were to be totally honest about what is going on in my life I would laugh as I type it. My life is great. I have 3 kids who love their school and love the Lord, a husband who loves God and me and is working. No sickness, no cancer, no real problems, except me. Me accepting the place I am right now is my only problem. Stupid, huh?

I am what I call in Humbleville. I am eating, breathing, sleeping humble pie. It is supposed to be character building I hear. I guess it is. To be dropped, not good enough, replaced and discarded is hard. To have 600 people see it happen is harder. To know that my God loves me and thinks that I am good enough to show His Light, I know it will all be ok. I just need to heal, time I want it to speed up.

The Dog Days are Over

I am hoping that I feel like the beginning of my new job will make me feel that there is closure with my old one. I am sort of understanding that there will be questions that I don't want to have answers. I know this is the right choice but it still is a struggle to get excited that all this happened. Maybe I don't need to be excited, maybe I just need to move forward and not look back. Understand that this new adventure is what is needed now for my family, for my church family, for His Glory.

Struggling is my problem, stress is my condition, anger is my enemy.

Hot Fun in the Summertime

Love the MN State Fair. Enjoy each moment of it and the last few days of summer spent with my kids. I truly like that it is a normal part of life as the next week was going to be new to us all. Feel so Blessed!

That's the Way Love Goes

My husband is so supportive. He has had to put up with a lot this year. The physical pain last year was much easier to deal with than the stress of this year. He has made me trust him more, love him more, and look to him more for advice. He has taught me to understand that we are partners in life not just in the house but for this time in the world. What a feeling!

Never Say Goodbye

Big changes for us here at the Chermak house. My kids are at new schools, I got a new job - Big things. I am not ready to say goodbye.

They Will Know We are Christians by our Love

I hate generalizations. I hate when people categorize a group as all the same. I don't know anyone who is exactly like another person. Each of us thinks independently. I do like this hope for Christians that they will know us by our love.
Many people think Christians are more judgemental or rigid or even broken. They see us as those who fear to look as they fail and I am sure many Christians don't want to fail. We do. Often. It is how we deal with our mistakes that determine if we are truly loving like Christ or just going through the motions.
I am in the midst of dealing with a mistake of my own in my Christian community. I am not sure my reaction is well, but with Steve's guidance I am sure it is better than I worry it is. We are taught to love, but we don't always listen. We are taught to talk things out, be honest, be fair, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.
I wish "they" were all wrong when they speak in broad terms about people who love Christ. I wish I could prove them wrong more often, wrong motive I know, but we are often flawed. Sin does that sometimes.

I Still Haven't Found What I am Looking for

We have been looking for Ashley's camera all summer. She remembers when she had it last. That's it. We lost the computer sticky thing or jumpdrive/flashdrive/other technical name, it probably is with the camera and the other soccer sock. I really do feel since I fell last November my memory has failed.

BUT.... I did remember something, the fair starts on Thursday!!!

Jesus is My Portion - A Constant Friend is He..

I have found true Joy again. I needed perspective and now I know what matters and it is not what I can control but it is that God is in control!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I long for heaven. I want to be where I am no longer a loser. Where I will be good at worshipping my Saviour and that is the only skill set required. Where people can't make me feel crummy and I will not give anyone that power. I can't wait. My grandma used to say, well, you have to wait, so you can. I know I have to wait. I know.

I am thankful for my friends and family who can verbally, physically, emotionally be there for me. As I looked into the Word for comfort, I did find it. I am so happy for the hope of what is yet to come and for the sacrifice that Jesus did. I believe His plan is best. This is where He wants me. Broken, my spirit, my heart a bit cracked, my self-esteem on a downward spiral. This is a place I have been many times but I only remember the outcome, the pulling out of it, the resting in His arms and the love of those He allowed to love me. This place will soon no longer exist, in fact, it is almost gone.

Pocket Full of Sunshine

Yesterday, my Pastor asked us what condition our soul was? I thought about it for quite some time and thought my soul is discontent. As I thought about it this morning as some things in my life got uncomfortable, my soul is spoiled. I expect things to be smooth, uncomplicated, easy and that is just not going to happen.

I have so many good things in my life that one aspect of it should make it a 'hard time' or be that big of deal and I am trying not to allow it. I am trying to look at the good and learn from the tough. I will be more open about this matter soon.

I Wear My Sunglasses at Night

Right now I realize that is what I have been doing. I have been allowing myself to be blind to things to come so that I will not react. I got over being numb and censoring myself but now I need to open my eyes to reality. Don't hear me wrong, I do this every summer. I enjoy the moments and the freedom and the daylight and the warmth. I am sure most of us don't sit around on a hot July night and think about how it will be below zero and we will have boots and mittens laying around the house. My head has not been in the sand but I have purposely blocked a few things out of my sight. They are all becoming clear.
As I glimpse some of the 'stuff' to come, yes, one of those things is school, I know my reaction should be as it has been all summer, that God is in control. I need not rely on myself to make it better or less scary but rest in His arms. I can do that.
I get my baby back tomorrow from camp. She went alone and my sleep went with her. I can't wait until we are all home for the rest of the summer or at least together!

Catch Me I'm Falling

I love summer and all the fun it brings. It is relaxing and critical in reconnecting to my children. This is the last summer that my oldest will go back to school. Next summer she will be going to college somewhere that I will not be able to see her everyday. I am not ready for this. I am not ready for her to be a senior and yet here it is.

Raise Your Hands Up and Shout

I think that I have been comfortably numb for some time now. Knowing that silence and listening is better than putting my foot in my mouth when I speak out of anger or treatment that I feel is unjust. I know God is in control and rely on that only yet not really engaging in anything. I have friends and love my family but I feel as though I have been a spectator, attending events, making an appearance but not being vulnerable at all. I have a couple people I rely on with most things but really don't want them to know that for awhile I have felt nothing.

That stopped over the weekend. I sat in Sunday School class and the verses we were going over were ones that hurt me in the past. Ones I had to struggle with now as I failed my first marriage and see how all that ties into my daughter's life - the fallout. I also see how God's plan is for good and not evil, in marriage, in parenting, in jobs. It all came together for me in a few short verses that no longer haunt me.

I feel so much more now that I broke out of my numb state and am dealing with the anger better as I can see keeping it at bay was really good. Now I want to engage again. We will see if that happens.

I'm So Glad I'm a Part of the Family of God

Family. I love my family, even my loud, pesky older brother. I love the moments we get together with the in-laws. I love my husband and my kids. I have been very thankful for the family God has given me, mostly because they are all His gift. They are family through His blood and not by anything earthly. I love that. It ties my whole world together.

Who Says You're Not Perfect

You know who says this to me mostly - me. I am having one of those days that I just am not good enough. I am actually joyful that I am a bit down because I was numb for a bit and hoping I wasn't truly past the point of help without some sort of intervention but now that I am sad, after being cranky, I know I am ok. You see if I care enough to change my emotions or work through them then I am still feeling, thinking, understanding myself. It is when I don't care, don't feel just exist that I become my own worst problem.

So, here I am, one month into summer, knowing God is in control as I have not felt like my 'job' as a mother has been compromised by my other 'job'. I am happy, just need to look past a few things that have been hurting me, holding me prisoner a bit. I need to be ok with people not seeing me for who I really am or for what I could be. I need to be ok with people not liking me all that much or talking bad about me. I am ok with those things but they are wearing me down today. Nothing a 4 day weekend won't cure right?

For the Sake of the Call

Praying for these guys!!

Heartbreaker

I am broken which, for the first time in my life, I am ok with. I am not having a meltdown, or going into some spiral of self loathing. I am just broken.

Most of the things I am broken about are about other people. People I love, want to protect, want to not be broken, but they are too. I know all I can do is pray for them, that is it. I can't change the pain they are going through. I can't fix it. I can pray and listen if they need to talk.

Right now there are so many thoughts going through my head. Different scenarios of how these situations will end and none of them end with me fixing it. Good thing to keep in mind tonight.

Because You Loved Me

I like Celine Dion on certain days of the week. Not all days. Not all weeks but this song makes me think of God's love. It is His love that makes me strong, that makes me unafraid, that makes glad, that makes me love.

I know that there are many terrible things that we as people do. We are mean, selfish, greedy, and uncaring. The last one is what I need to process today. How can we as people not care for other people? I mean we all want to be cared for or at least not be treated badly, rudely or ignored. Why would we do that to other people? Why don't we treat them like we want to be treated?

I am flawed in this often, mostly with children and my patience level, but sometimes when I am in a hurry, stuck in myself and my goals, I miss people. I don't even take time to say hello. I need to be better and challenge those around me to better at this. You never know what person just needs to be acknowledge, said 'hi' to and how are you doing. You can make their day, month, even year to know someone looked at them and that they are not invisible.

This is my challenge to myself.

I'm Still Standing

Just really in a good place in the midst of what seems like a storm in my life. Constant winds of change and these are few reasons I stay sane...

Where the Stars and Stripes and the Eagle Fly

I know that this country has it's many flaws but we have some great freedoms. One, I get to worship my God in public, not in secret. Two, I get raise my kids to love Jesus and don't have to have a government tell me how to raise them. Three, I can disagree with my government and not be persecuted, put in jail or killed for my opinion, particularly as a woman this is great.
I could go on and I am sure there are those that disagree with me, but this is how I feel about our country. I don't think it is chosen or set apart from any other country but I am glad for it's freedoms that I have. I am blessed by those who have served to keep those freedoms and protected us from those who would want to take them away or make us all one people that are superior in their opinion. I am thankful and blessed and off to picnic on this Memorial Day.

These are few of my Favorite Things

If Oprah can do it so can I. I think our things will differ. :)

* I love my room and often hide watching something on my computer.
* I love people watching (State Fair being my fave).
* I love being alone in a crowd.
* I have enjoyed having people over again and having fun. This is an on and off again favorite as I grow older and less wanting to be vulnerable with people.
* I love my kids. This stage has been great but I am getting teary talking about this being the last year before my oldest goes to college away from home.
* I love my husband, every day, more and more. I love how he is aging and maturing and watching him see where God is calling him. I love it.

Right now these are my faves. When they change you may see a new list.

RESPECT

I LOVE to SING! I am not the best but I love it. I wish I had that voice that could go all out but I don't and this is something I just know and don't feel bad about. I wonder why I am so hard on myself in other ways. I can't just accept who I am and my short comings in so many ways(ok I don't mean I can't accept that I am short, but my flaws.).
God has been working in my life and showing me how to be humble, how to be broken, how to let go. Hard stuff. I don't like the hard stuff. Can someone tell me how to move on from failure? How to just really let it go, let it stay in the past where it belongs?

Isn't She Lovely

Roam if You Want To

I have only done a few crazy spontaneous things in my life. To some my life has been a series of crazy but it is actually kind of mild. I want to do something crazy. (not mentally crazy or anything)

I want to go on a roadtrip with girlfriends or try something new or see something I haven't seen before. I want to go dancing with my husband, sing in front of people, stay up late and not get tired, go to a play, watch the stars, many many thoughts right now.

I know that this feeling will pass and hopefully my stone will too. I just like to dream sometimes. I think it is fun and dreaming is often enough for me.

There Goes My Life

What a difference 16 years make. This is a country song and it speaks to me. I never thought having my daughter so young was the end of my life but the beginning but now it is getting tougher to let go. A friend of mine had a picture from her spring break that is very much like the one here and had the same thought Steve and I had, how fast they grow up.

People are Strange

You ever realize how strange people are when you are tired. I mean, they are strange to begin with but when your mind is a bit fuzzy they are all the more strange. I noticed the way someone laughed today. I am sure I have noticed it before but today it seems like I am having an out of body experience and it was almost spooky to hear this laugh. Almost like you heard it in a nightmare before. I think I must be half asleep. Lunch will help I am sure.
This month has gone by so fast. I blinked and it is halfway gone. I hope that summer comes soon but don't want it to go by too fast. Will try to enjoy each moment after a nap today. ;)

Trust and Obey

I was getting really tired. Man, it is tiring carrying the whole weight of the world on your shoulders. I didn't think I could hold it anymore and then it fell. It dropped on the ground into millions of pieces. All I could think was "I did that, all by myself, I broke the whole world, WHAT A LOSER I am." I looked down in despair and cried.
Then I felt something, more than a feeling almost like a still small voice saying "Look at Me, Look at Me, Brenda." I looked up. The voice continued, "Look it is only a drop of water and I will help you clean it up. I carry the weight of the world and I will never give you anything more than you can handle. I am always with You, keep looking to Me, keeping reading My Book, keep laying it at My feet. I love you."

Why do I think that I am alone, abandoned, unforgivable, unlovable? I know that those are my weaknesses. To turn on myself and I need to keep looking up, looking to God, listening to God, studying His Word and love as He has told me to do and the rest will and always does fall into place. How often I forget that it is He, not I that has the world.

These Thousand Hills

I have this tape from high school . Our car still has a tape deck so I play it sometimes. It is 'Jacob's Trouble'. I really like this group and my daughter thinks they are old fashioned but when she listens she gets why I like it. Whenever I play it I think of the boy from high school who got me interested in alternative Christian music. The boy, or man now, who just lost his wife. I pray that he still listens to them. I listened to his band on MySpace and could not believe that I still had a MySpace account. He wrote songs to his daughter who died, my heart breaks for him. My brother in law lost his first wife and we talk about her sometimes. He still wonders why she died so young. These thoughts, these emotions are not easy to sort out. I know God is in control and He does things to His glory, but wish He would write on the wall and tell people why. I know that is what faith is, to believe in things we can not see, can not understand, but some people have it so much harder than me. I really was in a low place due to life changes and my need to be happy, satisfied, needed, the list goes on. I have perspective now.

If I Die Young

Today I learned of a friend I had in high school who lost his wife on Saturday due to a stroke. I heard the news and time stood still. She was at Mayo Clinic getting other procedures done and had a migraine and died. She just turned 36. I am in shock, in pain for him, in denial that it could happen at any moment. I pray that I spend my time being intentional with what God has given me. I pray I cherish the people in my life, the time I have with them and not take one second for granted. I pray that this thought doesn't just pass me by and I forget what I have, what I have been given.

House that Built Me

We had such a great week with no drama, no real fights, no work interruptions, no sickness, nothing but fun and relaxation and sore feet. We loved being together but as I watched my kids run up the steps to school I know that they were happy to share where they have been and to get away from each other.
I came home and LOVE my house!!! It is huge compared to the truck and the hotel room shared by 5 people. I am happy to be home, happy for the memories and happy that God is in control of things to come!

This world has nothing for me, I will follow You

When I get this right and make it all about Him everything is ok, everything has a purpose, everything is right in the world.

Lord,
Help me to remember it is not about me or the things of this world but only about You.
I ask this in Jesus' name,
AMEN

Love Lifted Me

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,
But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.
Love lifted me!
Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help,
Love lifted me!
All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling,
In His blessed presence live, ever His praises sing,
Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul’s best songs,
Faithful, loving service, too, to Him belongs.
Souls in danger, look above, Jesus completely saves,
He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.
He’s the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,
He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.

Kung Fu Fighting

Just starting with title I am in a better mood but I need to vent, so if you don't want to hear my pity party please don't read. I feel like I am angry a lot about not having control over the circumstances I am in right now. Ready to fight, but for what. Taking it out on the wrong people, sorry, honey. My house is under construction as we are redoing a bathroom. My job is under construction as we look for a new youth pastor. My family is under construction as we look to new changes. I want to control something and as I type this I realize nothing is mine to control.

I know that God is in control. Just like the season change so will things in our lives but God will always be in control and not let us go through things He knows we can't handle. I am learning. Very slowly. Learning that I am still being molded, maturing, and it makes me more thirsty for things of God. That is the point to bask in His glow and then to reflect Him. I am getting it and letting go.

Love Me Tomorrow

I love this weather, not so much v-day stuff. I don't need a day to know I am loved and definately don't need more chocolate(love it though). I do need to hear that I am loved. The things you learn about yourself as you learn about your kids and the way they need to feel loved. Two of ours needs physical touch, whether wrestling, a pat on the head, or snuggling. One needs words of affirmation (me too!) and needs to hear we appreciate them. I am not huge on physical touch. I held these kids until they could walk. I thought that was enough, but even my 16 year old needs to rest on my shoulder now and again. I appreciate it so much more now and am so much more intentional about it as they will eventually leave the house.
Anyway, this day is beautiful weather wise and fun sugarwise and a good day. Thank you Lord for the good days.

Boom Boom Pow

I do like this song just not live in the middle of a game by the Packers. It was not fun to see that they don't sound like you think they should and then I wondered how much they got paid to do this song. It kinda made me sick.

Loved that the Packers won and that I had a fun night with my friends and ate too much and the salt made me sick even the next day. I am glad for that as it means I don't eat like that everyday. Still have a headache.

Liking how this week is starting. Really wish it was warmer! Someday!

It's a New Day, It's a New Life

I am so glad for each new beginning. I seem to get a lot wrong lately and need a new start more often than not. I love that I learn something new about myself, my kids, my hubby and mostly my Lord each day with each experience. Today I learned that my hubby loves me even when I feel unlovable, my kids don't really notice if I am a mess and that God uses people to sharpen us.

Right now is a new moment and I am going to take it and use it the way God wants me to and not let my fears hold me back.

On another note, I so am ready for a new warm day.

Got Me Looking so Crazy Right Now

There are few things that keep me up at night. At my age we are tired by the time we roll into bed and my brain can be shut off for things of no consequence, such as the laundry not being done or where did I put that thing. However, when it comes to my kids hurting I want to fix it. I want to fix it now, make sure it never happens again and keep them from ever feeling this way again. That keeps me up.
I do give it to the Lord and have prayed over many things for my children. I pray for them to know God personally and grow in Him. I pray that they love like Him. I pray that they see the world as a sinful place where God reveals Himself daily. I pray for their friends, for their future spouses, to lean on the Lord for the big decision and to not grow up too fast. (the last one is more for me).
I want the school they go to, church we attend, people we hang with to be like minded with the knowledge that everyone is human and that some things are great practice for the real world beyond the house they live in now. I know I can't control any of the places but wish to have some say on how it is done.
Right now the bullying issue is going on daily for one of my kids. I need the authorities that be to help and hope that this happens this week. The teaching of sarcasm or belittling is something I will not put up with either. Kids get enough that from tv, each other and don't need to learn how to talk down to people in a different venue.
My problem is that I don't know how to be proactive about these things without being crazy. I know that love is crazy, Christ showed us that, but I need to be an adult, check myself before I wreck myself and gather my thoughts and present my concerns in a way honoring to God. I am not sure that is going to happen with the issues that are going right now. We will see.

Party Like it's 1999

So happy for a date night with my hubby! So happy to be excited for it, not just looking at it as another thing on the calendar! Woohoo!

Voice of Truth

I must admit, I am having a hard time discerning the truth right now. Am I just getting upset because things are getting uncomfortable or that they are not uncomfortable enough? I believe things are black and white in most areas but when they are gray, not spelled out for me in the Bible, where do I turn? Who do I trust?

I believe in a God who created the world. The God of the Old and New Testament. The God who gives and takes away all for His glory. He is the One, the great I AM, The Father to Jesus Christ, the Three in One. He treats His people with love but like a Father and teaches us as we need to be taught. He is merciful and yet judging, loving, yet jealous. He wants us to worship Him at all times, but still expects us to live on this earth.

How do I live, work everyday, cherish my kids, love my husband and keep Him number one? The word idol worship is what brought this rant up. I am not worshiping money or my house or feeding my kids if I work. I am doing what God asked us to and trying to do it while glorifying God. I don't worship my husband, he is not my Savior, but I am called to be his helpmate, his wife and I love him. He is not my idol if I go out on a date with him and not spend that time in prayer. If I am wrong, show me Lord.

I really thought that after being in a Baptist college and after years of people getting it is the relationship with Christ that matters and not the religion I would not hear the 'Thou shalt not' perspective of being a Christian over and over again. I agree that we all have idols that take our focus off God but if we are always worried about what we are doing wrong and our sinful nature isn't that an idol also?

I can hear His voice saying to follow Him, not man. Get the log out of your own eye and focus on me. Get over your rant, it is not glorifying anyone. I will listen to Him. The Voice of Truth.

You Probably Think You are Cooler than Me

I feel so inadequate at times. I am not organized. I do not want to be in charge. But I long for control. Seems strange that I even care what is going on. I feel that so many people have it so much more together than I do. They ARE cooler than me. I look at that and grin.

There have always been people cooler than me. I have never been stylish, not kept up with movies or movie stars. I feel ok about all that. I am ok with not being the organizer as it seems very stressful to me. So how do I gain control and have no ownership?

Here is my answer to my ramblings. I don't. I just need to remember and acknowledged Who is in control. That alone is how I need to roll. With God as my Pilot all will be well and I will enjoy the ride!

One Day at Time, Sweet Jesus

Today I am back in the swing of the working thing I do. My brain is fuzzy and I am soo emotional. Like crying and can not stop. I am not exactly sure why, no real reason but things must have been building up, good to get it out I guess, just don't like to get it out in front of people. I like to know what is going to happen and right now there is not a clue in sight. I know that the plan is in His hands, but sometimes I just want to do something. I will take it one day at a time and spend time with the Lord and rest in Him. I will at least try to do it that way and I guess, cry like a baby when led, there really is no other way around it. :)