I feel so inadequate at times. I am not organized. I do not want to be in charge. But I long for control. Seems strange that I even care what is going on. I feel that so many people have it so much more together than I do. They ARE cooler than me. I look at that and grin.
There have always been people cooler than me. I have never been stylish, not kept up with movies or movie stars. I feel ok about all that. I am ok with not being the organizer as it seems very stressful to me. So how do I gain control and have no ownership?
Here is my answer to my ramblings. I don't. I just need to remember and acknowledged Who is in control. That alone is how I need to roll. With God as my Pilot all will be well and I will enjoy the ride!
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Even organized people don't have it all together. Some people, like me, put off an air of organization and still have piles of stuff hidden away where no one can see. And with organization, comes pride, which is sin. So, I must be careful. Careful to use the gifts the Lord has given me and yet let HIM be in control. And, not hide things from Him who is all knowing.
I've been having this conversation with S lately, in a different way. No matter how "cool" you may aspire to be, even if you achieve it, there will always appear to somebody "cooler."
I've been completely uncool my whole life (you should see my junior high pictures!), and I used to feel really insecure about that. As a grown-up, I've finally learned to appreciate that about myself and just go with it.
I never wanted the popular life. It seemed like too much work and I never thought anything of it. Now it is ok but sometimes I wish I could up my game on a few things like courage. Working on it and when it is appropriate.
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