Happy, Happy Birthday Baby!

What a difference a year makes! What a difference 15 years makes! The Lord is faithful! 15 years ago was a struggle and thankfully Ashley does not remember the deal and she and I were family for 3 1/2 years and then added Steve - a great addition!

Ashley's love for God is amazing, her innocence is great and she is so much like I once was which doesn't always make for a good time but I do understand her better. My prayer is that she knows God's love more, she feels safe everywhere she goes, she knows how many people love her, she stays in God's Word and she has fun!

What an awesome thing to watch your kids grow up, it is work, it is all consuming but I am still awestruck by the whole thing!

Summer Nights

The summer went by at a steady pace for me, not too fast, just right! I love fall!!! God is good all the time! We spent time with good friends (miss some of them), family, time away from it all!

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again...

What I learned from yesterday is that:

• I never want to learn how to fight well.
• Sleep is always a good way to look at things differently.
• Family and friends are not going to think you are crazy if you cry every once in awhile.
• I need to give myself more grace. (Thanks RC!)
• I need to not let people talk down to me and call them on it when they start.
• I sometimes am my own worst enemy as I felt so low yesterday.

My hubby, kids, and friends know who I am and were great yesterday and today! Thanks for letting me see that I am not as dumb as I allowed some people to make me feel yesterday!

Time after Time

I hate confrontation! I HATE IT! I hate feeling small and not smart! I hate when people talk down to me! I hate that I don't have enough something to not break down and cry and then I look even more stupid! I hate finding out what people really think of me, even if they don't know me at all. I really hate crying in front of people. I wish that was something I grew out of, but it is not. Tomorrow will be better. Maybe the 'disconnect from my brain to my mouth' will be gone. Maybe I will get it right, maybe I can move on.

This is not how I work. When someone puts me in a corner I shrink and that relationship never stays the same. There have been a few exceptions, like with my hubby, kids, parents and close friends. I don't think I fight with people enough so I am not good at the aftermath.

These thoughts are all for me from today and I am sure I will come back and read them when I have diarrhea of the mouth again or when someone hurts me like today and at least know I have gotten through and will get through it again.

God is so good and He will show me where to go, just not quite as fast as I want sometimes, but His timing is perfect. His Love is perfect. His Forgiveness is perfect.

Stuck in the Middle with You

I don't talk about politics or religion or how I feel about Favre being a Viking or pro sports for that matter much, because I don't have a real solid opinion on most things. There are debates that have come in life that I definitely see a right way but if it is not Kingdom worthy, if it has no eternal value I believe I should not dwell on it too much.

I do have opinions though. I think that people should always be nice. I don't mean we have to even get along but we can all be nice to each other, civil. I think that once you state your opinion unless there absolutely needs to be explanation of something you need to move and not keep stating it until you know for sure no one is listening. I believe you should know your audience. Unless you have walked in someones shoes you don't have a clue as to why they believe what they believe.

I am not sure what this tangent is about, no secret fighting going on or anything, just thinking about it. Maybe saw an article from an instigator on FB, maybe argued too much with my daughter and needed a reminder to be nice, not sure.

Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Ok, I have to say I don't miss my monthly, my uterus, icky stuff, but I do miss knowing when the moods are going to hit. I know it could be many things but my body still tells me when the cysts happen in a very painful unhappy manner so I must be on some schedule.

Here is what I am trying to do:

• Cherish each moment! Not forget that this is a once in a lifetime moment - all of them!
• Love like Christ and for the first time that includes myself. I always forget to love myself.
• Be honest with my feelings and hopefully have better communication.
• Pray and listen to God, not only in His Word but through the Holy Spirit. How often am I just still?

The above is not in order of importance but in order of what was typed first. Someday I will be that organized or probably not.

Tell Me About It

I was told at one time that my blogs were cryptic. I have tried to get better at it but still like to type this for myself sometimes. If I am having difficulties with life and it involves people and they read this I will talk with them instead of writing this. Just an FYI.

Enjoying warmth and water and friends and family and it is getting so close to school and the FAIR! Getting excited about that!

Don't Take the Girl

So, back in February we went on airboat rides. It had to be divided 3 and 4, my parents were with us so Ashley, Gracie and Steve went in one and we were in the other. This is the first time it happened. The man eluded to the fact that Steve and Ashley were married and Gracie was their kid. I thought it absurd, one man's opinion. It has happened a bit since then. I must look like the Mexican nanny or something, not sure.

Yesterday we had a very impromptu 2 hour garage sale and a lady came up and told Ashley that she had teenagers if she ever need someone to watch her kids (Gracie and Mikey). She thought Ashley was 30 years old and when Ashley told her she was 14 she could not believe it. Does Ashley look that old? I know she does not act it, either do I for that matter but I think she dresses like a teen, doesn't she?

You Got a Fight for Your Right to Party!

I am not ready for school stuff to start! I don't want to buy backpacks, back to school clothing or pencils. I am boycotting it for another two weeks and I am sure I will end up searching all over the Twin Cities for the right stuff. I will wait until right before the fair and start thinking about it all and then drown my sorrows on a pronto pup!

People are People So Why Should it Be...

I have had some strange things happen the last few weeks. People have disappointed me, but not really, things are now not as controlled as I would like, but I am not worried, friendships are changing, but I am not dwelling. So odd for me. I usually overreact, play out the worst case scenario in my head and freak out a bit. Maybe it is the cough medicine. Maybe because these changes are really not that big of a deal.
I expect people to let me down, not such a great thing but it happens, I let Steve and my kids down all the time. I am not bragging mind you but I see grace from them I feel that it is ok to extend grace to others.
I think the change that is freaking me out is that my daughter is starting Driver's Ed in 2 weeks. She is turning 15 at the end of the month. She is who I always dreamed she could be, actually she is more than what I dreamed. When we lived in my parents basement after the divorce I could only hope that she would be healthy and God centered. God has given her so much more. Steve has brought such a difference in her life. She has been blessed. I have been blessed. Maybe that is why everything is ok. What more can I ask for?