We're All in this Together

I have felt like I have a huge extended family. I have been able to or have had to open up and allow people to know things about me and I have so enjoyed confiding in people lately. Not a thing I generally like to do, to be deep and share feelings and such, but lately it has been really good.

I have my Ashley back, but Mikey is gone to Camp and hopefully he will love it. Ashley grew in the Spirit, in mind, in body. I think she came back stronger, a bit blonder, and happy. Good things.

I feel relieved, like a big adventure is over. I am cautious of the future, but a bit more ready. I think that being so surprised and being able to not be a part of the problem was a wonderful change. I got to really sit on the outside and know I am not crazy that this situation does sometimes get bad, but it can be fixed without me. I am ready for a normal week and loving the weather! I will be happy on Saturday when we will all be together again for awhile!

What's so funny about Peace Love and Understanding

I feel peace today. Like I know that change has happened and even though I do not know the end it will be better, different, more peaceful. I have 2 out of 3 kids back so that gives me time to focus on them and less on me which is what I need.

A few friends of mine have told me that I need to let go of the responsibility of the past becoming the present. It is not my fault that people choose not to change, not to grow, not to become what they should become. It is their fault and even if I introduced them to my life I did not ask them to stay. I now understand that the process of letting go of that burden will change me and is something I can do and am so thankful to those people who have challenged me to look at myself.

I know that I will still fall into some patterns of guilt and anger over circumstances, but will remember to look at it for what it is and not for what I think it is. I know I will blame myself again but can look back and try not to make it worse by falling into despair. God gave me good people in my life and I am very thankful! You ladies and Steve (who does not read this) really helped! Thanks!

Beat It

An unexpected turn of events has occured today. My past has now become my daughter's present. I hate that it translated into that. I ran from it, left it, moved on, forgave, and wished and prayed for change from the past and it still showed up. Right in the middle of her missions trip.

What is good about this? I keep asking myself. God is in control. This is not a surprise to Him. He has a purpose, He has a goal. He has a teaching moment. He is Love. I just need to be patient and watch Him work.

Uninvited

Anger, rage, mean thoughts, not being able to see people as God's own, not being ok with not being ok, wanting to be perfect, wanting to look a certain way, not accepting the gifts in front of me, not spending time with the Most Important, not trying hard enough to get over it. These things are uninvited! These things are not me, they are not invited when I sit alone or go out with people. They are not who I want to be or even try to be. These are not welcome. Hopefully they get the memo!

Give Me a Kiss to Build a Dream On

What wonderful memories of my wedding to Steve! To stand up in front of my family and not be ashamed of what I was doing or why I was doing it. I loved that day.

I wish that I had talent to speak to many girls and tell them to wait, to not give in, to stay pure, to make your lovelife about God then the right guys will come into place, to never do 'Witness Dating', people usually change you before you change them. I want them to know my story and wish that sometimes it would not be so hard to tell. God has given me opportunities and I am sure He will give me more. I need to be there for those women when they are pregnant or emotionally stunted from actions that took mere minutes. I need to pray for others to see with Christ's eyes. I need to remember that I once did not believe that I would give in and allow them to have their journey but walk with them if I need to or am called to.

I hope that those who are suffering are all granted my fairy tale ending with my dream man!

Good Day, Sunshine

That sums up yesterday. I had a fun, FULL day. Church at 2 different places with 2 different purposes. Extended family lunch, church picnic (very extended family lunch), open house and ended with a family movie and a good night's sleep.

Loved the weather, loved the company, loved it all.

Daddy's Girl

Here is my baby, Gracie. Her smile can make my day! She is encouraging and helpful and so loving. She is so much like her daddy!

She is very shy which you would never know if she trusts you. I pray that she will always keep her happy spirit and be confident in all she does.

She is my snuggler and she LOVES to beat up Daddy and Papa. She draws with Nana and always wants to do what Mikey is doing, unless she wants to be alone. I have asked Steve if she is OK when she goes in her room and plays alone and he just laughs and says I did that all time. I can not quite get that but am trying.