Gunpowder and Lead

There have been some things that have been disturbing me lately.  Some actions by those around me, some lack of love and commitment and I go to my angry place.  These people are not close to me and I can not help those that are affected by there actions but I can pray.

God's grace and forgiveness is what I want to be like and I FAIL A LOT.  I want to fix this!  I want those people to not feel like nothing and the children that are involved to know that they have nothing to do with what the adults around them are doing.  Life is hard.  Marriage is hard and letting God work through all of the sin in the world is hard to comprehend.  I know He is in control.  I need to rest there and not take it into my own hands.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

There are days where I live in the now.  I have a wonderful Lord, a loving husband, 3 beautiful and fun children, a house, money, a church...the list is long of blessings.  I know.

But on occasion I am living in a one bedroom apartment in VA or TX and I am trapped and abused and angry, but I did have my Lord and my child.

Both of those parts of my life have brought me closer to the Lord.  My life has brought me to appreciate so much and relate to so many.  I don't want to ever forget but I do not allow myself to live as a victim of what I have been through.  I hope I remember that on days when I forget how good I have it and on the days I know I am blessed.

I'm A Loser, Baby

I feel like a loser the minute I get out of bed in the morning.  I would say that it will pass I would like to know when.  I had my tonsils out 3 weeks ago and still am having trouble swallowing and now I got a cold and it makes life really gross and I feel that if I whine I KNOW so many others that are dying of cancer or fighting this is NOTHING.  SO, I feel like a loser.

This will pass, it must pass, it better pass.  I let you know.

Come Along With Me

My journey this past 2 weeks has been way painful.  Having your tonsils pulled as an adult is a very, very long recovery.  I am still waiting for the left side to heal but happy the right is better.  I am fuzzy and have had to deal with way too much in the last 2 weeks being mentally impaired.  Hope to start eating real food soon and have clarity.  Here's to hoping.

Give Me A Wish to Build a Dream On

My wishes are full and my hope is Him.  Here is my list -

• That Christ's Love would be shown throughout the world
• For the killing of inconviences to stop
• For more hope in the world
• For less media (Funny as I type this but so true in so many ways)
• For more family time
• For more grace
• For more mercy
• For more forgiveness

My life has been pleasant as of late.  We have a few things that are really a bummer but can not complain about them.  I am working on finding peace with a war I have been fighting, really can't figure out how to do this, how to just let it all go, but still working on it and trying to not become bitter.

Be Careful Little Ears What You Hear

So I love music.  I really love most kinds of music and do not pay much attention to who is singing or sometimes words (oops!).  I have learned some info that I do not know if it is true or not but now understand that I need to be a bit more informed about what I am listening to. 
Most people in the world are not going to think like me or believe what I believe.  I need to live with them and that fact.  I am sure what I read on the internet could be true or very well be a lie but I need to have these conversations with my kids and help them to understand not to idolize people.  I never did that as a kid.  The singers I really liked I never learned about their families. I did not know what they thought was cool and I think I am teaching my kids to look away a bit too.
The artist I am talking about is Beyonce.  I love her voice.  I think she is very pretty.  I know she is very wealthy, but I think she may be into things that I should never associate with so she is off my play list.  Lesson learned.

Manic Monday

What a strange day! Can not believe that I have such a strange life more to come...