Oh Holy Night!

It is the Christmas concert weekends at our church and it is bitter sweet as this is the last year our Music Minister will be here.  He has done an amazing job each year and I will so miss his voice, his family and his leading from God.  His music always brought on the sermon more clearly and he said it was led by God. 

I look forward to hearing my Gracie play in the concerts this weekend and two next week.  I look forward to remember why we celebrate this fun, festive, fast season.  For that one tiny cry that came into Bethlehem that one starry night was the reason.  He came to love us and it reminds me to love others. 

Oldie but a goodie

Trust and Obey

I was getting really tired. Man, it is tiring carrying the whole weight of the world on your shoulders. I didn't think I could hold it anymore and then it fell. It dropped on the ground into millions of pieces. All I could think was "I did that, all by myself, I broke the whole world, WHAT A LOSER I am." I looked down in despair and cried.
Then I felt something, more than a feeling almost like a still small voice saying "Look at Me, Look at Me, Brenda." I looked up. The voice continued, "Look it is only a drop of water and I will help you clean it up. I carry the weight of the world and I will never give you anything more than you can handle. I am always with You, keep looking to Me, keeping reading My Book, keep laying it at My feet. I love you."

Why do I think that I am alone, abandoned, unforgivable, unlovable? I know that those are my weaknesses. To turn on myself and I need to keep looking up, looking to God, listening to God, studying His Word and love as He has told me to do and the rest will and always does fall into place. How often I forget that it is He, not I that has the world.

Love Changes Everything

I am in a funk.  Probably why I feel like blogging.  Need to release some thought without disturbing those around me.  This is a strange feeling.  My husband thinks it is the weather which I am sure is a factor.  I just don't 'feel' a lot of anything right now.  Not sadness, but not joy.

I now feel again.  I know I have not let people in lately.  I have connected and reached out but I am not telling people the truth about how I feel, even Steve.  Not because he doesn't care, not because I am angry or sad, but because of fear.  Fear that people will leave me if I am real with them.  Nothing to do
with people I know now, all about what is inside of me.  I hate that part of me.  The part I have not dealt with, the part I don't remember or deal with or need to deal with, the past is the past and that is where it belongs.

Christ loves shows me that I can trust Him and He gave me the people in my life and from this moment after I type I will trust them.  This is why I blog to find the truth in my frustration.  Good things.

I HOPE YOU DANCE

I love my kids.  I do hope they love the Lord and follow Him and find earthly love also. I hope they choose to do things that want to do, experience things that I never got to or never wanted to so they have not had a chance. I want so much for them and yet just hope that as God leads they appreciate everything they have and love Christ for His sacrifice!

I just read through entries for the last 3 years.  My life has changed a lot and yet some things still sting as I read them.  I am content in my job, I love my church family - still feel I don't belong there but I am trusting God and Steve, excited about how the kids are doing and that my parents are healthy.  Nice place to be.  Really nice.