People are Strange

You ever realize how strange people are when you are tired. I mean, they are strange to begin with but when your mind is a bit fuzzy they are all the more strange. I noticed the way someone laughed today. I am sure I have noticed it before but today it seems like I am having an out of body experience and it was almost spooky to hear this laugh. Almost like you heard it in a nightmare before. I think I must be half asleep. Lunch will help I am sure.
This month has gone by so fast. I blinked and it is halfway gone. I hope that summer comes soon but don't want it to go by too fast. Will try to enjoy each moment after a nap today. ;)

Trust and Obey

I was getting really tired. Man, it is tiring carrying the whole weight of the world on your shoulders. I didn't think I could hold it anymore and then it fell. It dropped on the ground into millions of pieces. All I could think was "I did that, all by myself, I broke the whole world, WHAT A LOSER I am." I looked down in despair and cried.
Then I felt something, more than a feeling almost like a still small voice saying "Look at Me, Look at Me, Brenda." I looked up. The voice continued, "Look it is only a drop of water and I will help you clean it up. I carry the weight of the world and I will never give you anything more than you can handle. I am always with You, keep looking to Me, keeping reading My Book, keep laying it at My feet. I love you."

Why do I think that I am alone, abandoned, unforgivable, unlovable? I know that those are my weaknesses. To turn on myself and I need to keep looking up, looking to God, listening to God, studying His Word and love as He has told me to do and the rest will and always does fall into place. How often I forget that it is He, not I that has the world.

These Thousand Hills

I have this tape from high school . Our car still has a tape deck so I play it sometimes. It is 'Jacob's Trouble'. I really like this group and my daughter thinks they are old fashioned but when she listens she gets why I like it. Whenever I play it I think of the boy from high school who got me interested in alternative Christian music. The boy, or man now, who just lost his wife. I pray that he still listens to them. I listened to his band on MySpace and could not believe that I still had a MySpace account. He wrote songs to his daughter who died, my heart breaks for him. My brother in law lost his first wife and we talk about her sometimes. He still wonders why she died so young. These thoughts, these emotions are not easy to sort out. I know God is in control and He does things to His glory, but wish He would write on the wall and tell people why. I know that is what faith is, to believe in things we can not see, can not understand, but some people have it so much harder than me. I really was in a low place due to life changes and my need to be happy, satisfied, needed, the list goes on. I have perspective now.

If I Die Young

Today I learned of a friend I had in high school who lost his wife on Saturday due to a stroke. I heard the news and time stood still. She was at Mayo Clinic getting other procedures done and had a migraine and died. She just turned 36. I am in shock, in pain for him, in denial that it could happen at any moment. I pray that I spend my time being intentional with what God has given me. I pray I cherish the people in my life, the time I have with them and not take one second for granted. I pray that this thought doesn't just pass me by and I forget what I have, what I have been given.

House that Built Me

We had such a great week with no drama, no real fights, no work interruptions, no sickness, nothing but fun and relaxation and sore feet. We loved being together but as I watched my kids run up the steps to school I know that they were happy to share where they have been and to get away from each other.
I came home and LOVE my house!!! It is huge compared to the truck and the hotel room shared by 5 people. I am happy to be home, happy for the memories and happy that God is in control of things to come!

This world has nothing for me, I will follow You

When I get this right and make it all about Him everything is ok, everything has a purpose, everything is right in the world.

Lord,
Help me to remember it is not about me or the things of this world but only about You.
I ask this in Jesus' name,
AMEN

Love Lifted Me

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,
But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.
Love lifted me!
Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help,
Love lifted me!
All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling,
In His blessed presence live, ever His praises sing,
Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul’s best songs,
Faithful, loving service, too, to Him belongs.
Souls in danger, look above, Jesus completely saves,
He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.
He’s the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,
He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.