Get Up on Your Feet, Get up Get up Get Busy

Do you ever have a dream and are so in deep even when you wake up you are not sure it was dream or that it is over? This happened to me this week only in my real life when I was awake. I have been struggling with pain for about 6 months and it all seemed so trivial as my friend was diagnosed with cancer again. Time to get up and get busy praying for others, living for God and serving where He puts me!

Ain't That Crazy

This song talks about amazing love and how to keep it and how to never let your praying knees get lazy. It talks of human love, of how it can be but not told about much in the media nor papers. I mean, who wants to hear a story about a man and a woman who stay together for 58 years, through the good and the bad, the tough times and the dancing, the healthy times and the ill times.

I wish that this was more of the norm. Parents staying together, working hard, raising a family and loving like Christ. It just doesn't happen much, it is now abnormal.

I am unsure how to proceed in life right now. There are some decisions to make, not life changing, but choices, like looking for a house, letting go of my 16 year old to drive alone, accepting the love I am given by my family and friends (have been so bad at this choice and have chosen wrong many times lately), what mini congregation to be in and the insignificant list goes on. I hate making decisions and yet want to be in control. I don't even understand that one. The few choices I am making is to listen more, be more hospitable, and take it easy until I feel better. That last one just came to me. It will take a while until I get used to it but I know I must listen to my hubby and do what the PT guy says and then rest. I will try. That is the only decision I will make tonight.

It's My Life

I need to reclaim back my life with or without pain. I know that is way easy to say but I need to try and maybe the fair will help :). The doctors have no answers and I am now on no medications for the pain so I need to move on and just live. No more hiding behind it. People will still eat the food I cook them if I have to lay down while they eat it and those people that God has put on my heart to connect with have waited long enough.

I can still stay up late, just because I have pain does not make me 80 (the fact I need a crown makes me old). I can be spontaneous, I can't spell it but I can be it. I can admit that the pain is making me crazy and know that I am not crazy. I can love like I should have been this whole time, with God's love, through God's eyes. I need to get back to who I am and want to be even if I might be a little slower or not as loud. Ok maybe I will always be loud, but this time was enough for me to have off of the real things that are important, back to life, Brenda, it is time with all the pain, but now with more resolve to live through it instead of waiting for it to go away.

Oops There Goes Another Rubber Tree Plant

That song is in my head because I am going to grow one, strange huh? I am ready to have time off with my family and just not deal with anything! God is good!

Happy Days

Summer is speeding by but we have had many happy days and hopefully more to come. We are pretty sure we know what the pain source was/is and we have on more round of shots scheduled for next Wednesday and hopefully a pain free rest of the summer after the shot healing!

My oldest heads to her second year to New Orleans for a missions trip and what a journey God is bringing her on this summer. I pray she sees His plan and hears His voice.

My youngest is changing into a young lady and less of a little girl and I am not ready for that yet but love that she still loves to snuggle.

My son is changing and had his first moment of sadness and not knowing why. I did not know boys had mood changes like that but I am learning and love that he still wants me around.

Steve has had work!!!! Yeah!!! God is good all the time and His timing is perfect and He is still teaching me that patience is something that comes with maturity and good things are worth the wait!

So overall life is back to normal. I am sure the next thing that happens will seem tremendous and it may be but I will look back at the last 3 months of unanswered pain and realize that it made me search for Him more, rely on people more and made my family stronger. The purpose is worth the pain!

Tears On My Pillow

WHAT A DOWNER I AM!!! I have been crying since last night since the pain hit full on again. I know I should not let it get me down the way I am letting it and then I feel bad about that. I see God's work in this and know that it could be so much worse and then feel bad about that. See the pattern and why the tears won't stop!

I will sing unto the Lord! Music always makes me feel better. I just hope I don't bug the people around while I try to cheer myself up! :)

It's My Perogative

I am enjoying seeing my kids grow into themselves and become people. They are not just parroting Steve or myself but they have real likes and dislikes and even though watching them grow up seems so wrong at times, they should stay little, it is sure an incredible journey.