Highway to Hell

 This world certainly seems to be heading this direction.  No unity, no trying to understand one another, no love, no respect and it almost seems hopeless.  But there is Hope!  His name is Jesus!  He is waiting for everyone who follows Him to step up and Love like Him!  I want to get off the highway and hope to at lease shine the Light on a better path. 

Kids in America

So I found this again and want to support my children and start journaling more.
Please listen to all my babies at BRCM.buzzsprout.com
Or see Ashley at https://youtu.be/cpBKPp9oS44

I just need U

The need to express myself, to see my thoughts on paper, to understand me from someone else's eyes, or at least to look at myself as I would look at someone else who was where I am in life.  I have no control over anything, except my reaction. My reaction to pain.  My reaction to rejection. My reaction to knowing that people in my life are making wrong choices and that is the season God is having them go through.  My reaction to hope, my reaction to love, my reaction to God's leading and love.

Greater is the One living inside of me, than he who is living in the world.

I really do become like those I surround myself with and what I listen to and work on listening to His Word, to loving like Him and having my closest people around me rooted in Him and helping me stay there.

That's what I like

I love weekends and evenings and windows open and summer and fall and Christmas and spring, children giggling, and my husband snoring next to me.  I love hope and love and kindness and Jesus.  I love family, good health, and time with people. 

I trust that all that I love I will get this summer, after yet another small surgery, after yet another season of pain of which I am embarrassed of.  I will get those things I like and I did this weekend but would like it without pain. It will happen.  I know this is true.

Good to Alive Right About Now

I am sure everyone goes in funks.  I get there and don't even know I hit it.  I think it is due to my job, my changes in life, my moment, but it is mostly that I allow myself to sit in the funk.  I am not sure why I ever think this is ok, why is this allowed in my life?  I don't allow my kids to live in a funk why are my expectations so different for myself.

I am so thankful for Christ's love, for my hubby and kids, my parents and in-laws, brother and all other family!!  I am so thankful for the friends who put up with me when I can not stand myself!!  Very thankful!  Good place.

Long Time Gone

I feel I must blog for my own sanity today just to get some things out and come to some understanding and compassion for myself. I have had an interesting year with some random health stuff to personal distrust in people.  I know that my Jesus has walked me through it all, and will continue to, and my Trust is in Him.

Steve and I have made some major steps in our lives with buying a duplex and feeling more secure in jobs and in our marriage.  I often talk with friends and say I have to follow Steve's lead on this when it comes to some decisions with our kids and with our money and I say it like it is such a chore. It is such a blessing to have a man who is following God's call and leading His family.  I am not a doormat, I speak my mind but I have learned to submit better, always working on it.

My health is improving.  I had a doctor tell me that I needed bariatric surgery in February and I cried for a long time and then decided it was time to do something about my weight.  I am down about 10 lbs. Goal for the end of the year is 25 hope to get there and keep being healthy.  Long way to go but the changes are really good in my life.

My friendships have suffered.  I have closed off most people due to not trusting what I can say, what won't be brought back to me from someone else, if it is even worthy to say, and so on.  I was burned a bit last year and have kind of avoided a whole social group altogether.  I only allow movies and people at my house with Steve present so I don't say something I may regret or don't want others to know.  I am a friend for life that is just the truth but I can no longer be the only one working on the friendship.

The world is a mess. Politics is a joke. Things can be hard. God is in control and that is the peace I cling to.  I am so blessed and I am joyful and I love that I can let it all go and let God.

Always something there to remind me

This week has been hard and the memories it has brought up have been hard.  Death is never easy.  I need to deal with it.  I need to come to terms with it, but it also brings up coming to terms with my past.

My roommate from college died.  I went through my messages with her in the last 15 years and found that we made peace and I never told her whole truths but we were moms walking through life.  We had a common ground.  I can't believe she is gone and yet glad she is not suffering anymore.  Praying for her family and glad I was so forgiving years ago and that we reconnected.  I have a few relationships that are strained right now and if these people were to go how would I feel?  I am not sure.  Asking God's guidance on this one.

My husband shared something with one of my kids today that I do not like.  It was about me and somewhat in defense of me but a truth I hate.  I truth I don't want in my life.  How do I deal with that?  I am not sure.  Giving it to God. Forgiving myself.  Letting it go.  I will tell how that is working later.